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“Twenty-three is hardly old.”
“Maybe so, but it’s not as if I’m going to be getting any. Have you seen my face?”
Grim scowls. “Don’t do that. Don’t put yourself down. You’re perfectly you, Christy.”
I snort. “I wasn’t putting myself down, just stating a fact. It is what it is. I’ll just have to marry my vibrator.”
“Want to know what I think?” she asks, looking at me intently through the screen.
“Sure, why not? But if you’re about to saybeauty is in the eye of the beholderto try and make me feel better, I might hang up.”
“I wasn't going to. We both know that beauty holds value in this fucked-up world we live in. There’s no getting away from that fact. But do you know what else has value? Strength. Courage. A sense of self-worth. The ability to dance as beautifully as you do. Not to mention the ability to see into the future. You’re the real deal, Christy. Thewholepackage, even if you can’t see that right now.”
The sudden sound of Iris crying filters through the screen, followed by Beast shouting that he’s going to handle it. “Teething...” she explains with a sigh.
“That bad, huh?” I ask, glad of the change in subject. I start applying foundation to my skin as we talk. Slowly my birthmark disappears beneath the creamy liquid, and before me, the person that I truly am disappears. I become acceptable to look at even if it is a falsity.
“I’m telling you, gangsters haven’t got shit on a thirteen month-old baby. Most days I can barely function. She’s a menace.”
“That’s why you love her though, right?”
“I love her so much it scares me,” Grim responds with a smile in her voice and love in her eyes, but there’s fear too. She might be able to hide that from most people, but not me.
“That little girl will live a long, happy life. I canpromiseyou that,” I say, knowing it to be true.
“Christy,” Grim warns. “You know how I feel about this.”
“I get it. You don’t want to know if I see any of you in my visions. It’s just…” Sighing, I blow out a breath. “It’s just, you’re always so worried about Iris and something terrible happening to her that you’re making yourself ill. You might be able to put up a front for those who don’t know you well enough. But I see you, Kate.”
“Doesn’t every mother do the same thing: worry? That’s what we do, right?”
“Yes, they do. But not every mother is a gangster with as many enemies as she has friends. I get it.”
“Still…” she hesitates, but despite her reservations I know she needs to hear me say the words.
“Iris will have her personal battles like the rest of us, but I’ve only ever seengoodthings for her.”
“Just because you haven’t seen bad things doesn’t mean that they won’t happen though,” she counters.
“I agree, and as much as you might wish it to be true for Iris, no one goes through life without pain and hardship. We both know that better than anyone.”
“I’m not sure I feel any better. I don’t want her to go throughanythingpainful. Not ever.”
“She has you and Beast, Kate. She also has an extended family that loves her and will protect her just as fiercely. There was a reason why Pen and the Breakers came into your life. They’re not just friends, but I don’t need to tell you that because you know it already, right?”
“They’re family,” she adds thoughtfully. “I’m sorry you haven’t had a chance to meet them yet. I’ve been meaning to bring you down to London for some time now. It would be good for you to get out of Wales for a bit. You’d get on really well. Like you, Pen is a gifted dancer and her guys aren’t too bad either.”
“Sure, that’d be nice,” I reply, the tone of my voice noncommittal. My voice trails off as I’m reminded of my vision. It’s not that I don’t want to meet Pen and the Breakers, it’s just that I know they’re not in my immediate future. I see nothing but The Masks, and even though I don’t see much else, I do know that it is justthem. We have an undefinable future together. Right now, I have no idea about my part in it, but I am in it.
“They’re good people. I want you to be friends. Besides, I don’t fancy another four hour journey with Iris screaming her head off and Beast driving like a maniac. I swear, I almost shoved him off the Prince of Wales Bridge when we visited you last, he pissed me off that much.”
I laugh. “You two are so in love it’s ridiculous.”
“Yeah, he’ll do.” Her cheeks tinge pink and I catch a glimpse of the girl she must’ve been before she was thrown into a lifestyle that has made her toughen up. For a while, Grim is silent on the other end of the line. She watches me as I continue to apply makeup. I slick on some lip gloss and mascara, and wait.
“Christy, I’m calling because…” She frowns, chewing on her lip. “Have you…”
I know what she’s about to ask, but after her initial reaction to me telling her about my visions of The Masks, I’ve never brought the subject up again. The last time we spoke about them was just before Iris was born. She flipped out when I described the men, so I know she’s hiding something big from me. I believe she knows them and isn’t saying how or why to protect me. It doesn’t matter either way, she can’t change what’s going to happen any more than I can. So, I lie.
