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This was a mistake…
That’s all I can hear. All I replay in my mind.
I know it can’t happen again, that I shouldn’t have crossed the line for more than one reason, but I can’t help but feel the pain of his words being etched into my soul.
This was a mistake.
We are a mistake.
You are a mistake.
That’s what he thinks, that’s what everybody else is going to think. I need to make sure that I never get swept away like this again. I need to forget Sebastian Miller as much as I can.
5
Sebastian
And the asshole of the year award goes to me, for being a dick… a selfish, irresponsible, utterly unprofessional dick. In my defense, Lily has found a way to slither under my skin, every single time I see her. I can’t outrun her, she’s everywhere, and when she isn’t everywhere that I am, she’s in my head, her memory etched into my thoughts. I tell myself it’s Amy that I see when I look at her, but it’s not just her that I see anymore.
Staring at my computer screen, I try and focus on my work, it really shouldn’t be that hard for me, but it is. My eyes keep moving back to the couch across the room. Every day I have to remind myself that what happened between us can never happen again.
And every day I’m reminded of what her hot, wet mouth felt like wrapped around my cock. Jesus. My cock starts to harden at the memory. I never did get to come that night. All that build-up and for nothing.
Shaking the thought away, I open a new tab on my laptop and type in the school’s website, navigating to the university bookstore. Is there a way for me to send these books without me looking like an even bigger jackass?
I don’t want her to think I’m buying her off or thanking her for a blowjob—which was spectacular. On the other hand, I’d be a jackass if I didn’t get her books, right? Who fucking knows anymore? My moral compass has been off, to say the least. Fuck, right or wrong. I’m ordering the damn books.
Double-checking her class schedule, I order all the books she needs and have them sent to the on-campus bookstore. I pay with my credit card, but list Lily’s phone number and her name as the pick-up person.
Closing my laptop, I check the time on my phone. It’s past eight o’clock, and I’m the only person left inside the building. It’s been like this almost every day this week.
All I’ve been doing is throwing myself into work. It’s the only way I know to take my mind off her, off the image of her on her knees with that perfect pouty mouth wrapped around my cock. Damnit. I have to stop thinking about her.
Shoving from the desk, I grab my jacket and slip it on as I’m walking out of the office. I lock up the building behind me and drive home trying to think about anything besides Lily. Spoiler alert… it’s not working.
Once home, I strip and take a cold shower, before heating up a frozen meal for dinner, Shortly after, I brush my teeth and crawl into bed. Old. That’s what I am. Any man my age would be out having a drink or two on a Friday night, maybe even bring home a woman. Nope, not, me. I’ve been lying in bed staring at the ceiling for the last hour, trying to go to sleep, or merely trying to get myself to stop thinking about her.
I’ve just rolled over to my side, hoping that a new sleeping position will help, when my phone starts to ring, the sound piercing through the otherwise silent night.
A little startled, and worried by the late-night phone call, I quickly grab my phone. I have to squint at the screen, my eyes not yet adjusted to the bright light. Across the screen, Rem’s stupid face grins at me, and I almost roll my eyes.
“Yeah,” I grumble. If he’s calling this late, that can only mean one thing, he needs me to come be his DD.
“Hey, sorry to wake you,” Rem’s voice comes through the line, and I immediately start to worry, he doesn’t sound drunk at all. I’m worried because if he’s not calling about needing a DD, he’s calling about something else.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is Jules okay?” I question anxiously while shoving the covers back.
“I’m okay. Jules is okay. I’m not… I’m not calling about us. Actually, I’m not… ah, I’m not even sure if you want to hear this…” He’s stalling, elongating the inevitable, and I’m starting to get annoyed.
“Out with it, Rem. What the hell is going on?”
“It’s Lily,” he murmurs, and the breath stills in my lungs. “She’s here at the frat house, drunk off her ass, and hanging out with some people she probably shouldn’t be.”
