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This isn’t just a bad idea, it’s the worst fucking one I’ve ever come up with. This could cost me my position. She could cost me everything. What am I thinking? You’re not. Stupid, that’s what this is. Exiting the car, I come around to the passenger side and open the door. For a second, all I do is stare. How the hell am I going to get her inside without her puking?
She’s still pretty much unconscious, so my options are limited to carrying her or leaving her here, and I didn’t drive all the way to the house just to leave her in the car. Sighing into the night air, I lean down and unbuckle her. Not a twitch, or growl, or anything escapes her lips.
Yeah, she’s gone. Picking her up, I gently set her on my shoulder, praying the movement doesn’t spark some insane bout of vomiting. Walking slowly up to the house, I find she weighs nothing, and that concerns me. Is she getting enough food? Is she eating? I ask myself all these questions as I unlock the front door and carry her inside.
Without even thinking about it, I take her into my bedroom and settle her onto the mattress gently. Then I step away and squeeze at the tightened muscles in my neck.
She looks like a damn angel with her silky blonde hair circling her head like a halo against the black sheets. Right then, all I can picture is her beneath me, those big blues of hers peering up at me as I drive into her, again and again.
Holy hell. I shove the thought to the furthest corner of my mind. That will never happen. It can never happen. I recite to myself as I peel her boots off.
Situating her better against the pillows, I decide against removing any of her clothing.
I don’t want to invade her privacy or make her think I’m some creep. The blowjob incident was bad enough, even if I really did fucking enjoy it. Giving her body one last once over, cringing at the leggings and T-shirt she’s wearing, I pull the comforter over her and tuck in around her. As I’m doing so, I lean over and press a soft kiss to the crown of her head.
She stirs lightly, her eyes just briefly fluttering open before closing again.
“I hate you…” Her voice is hoarse like she’s been screaming all night. For a second, I think I’ve made up hearing her speak, but I didn’t.
She definitely said she hates me.
She hates me.
The words sting and I’m not quite sure why. I deserve that, I guess. I’d hate me too after the way I acted. Staring at her a second longer, I wait for her to say something else, but instead, she starts to snore softly, her chest rising and falling evenly. The urge to crawl into the spot beside her and watch her all night long tugs at me.
No. She shouldn’t even be here and crawling into bed and holding her isn’t going to make forgetting her any easier. Shoving all the thoughts away, I pull the comforter up to her chin and slip from the room, closing the door softly behind me.
Then, I strip down to my boxers and make myself comfortable on the couch. It takes me forever before my eyes start to drift closed, and even when they do, my thoughts circle around her.
Lily… the one thing I can never have.
6
Lily
It takes me forever to open my eyes, far too many bottles of liquor are stacked on top of them. My hands slide across silky sheets, sheets that are definitely not mine, and as I breathe deeply into the pillow beneath my head, I discover it smells like lemongrass and citrus, two things that, I, myself, do not smell like.
Shit, this isn’t my bed. Panic zings through me. Realizing this, I bolt upright in the bed and force my heavy lids open. It makes my head hurt even more, but I push the pain away and scan the room. My vision blurry and my head swimming, as I do so. It feels like I’m on a boat, traveling on rough seas.
My stomach churns, and I press a hand to my mouth. Oh, sweet baby, Jesus.
Don’t throw up, don’t throw up.
Barely containing the vomit that was just rising up my throat, I decide to give myself a moment to recover and retrace my steps from last night.
Did I go home with someone?
No, I wouldn’t do that. My gaze drops down over my body. The clothes I was wearing last night are still in place, the only thing missing are my boots, which I find sitting beside the bed.
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I release a soft groan, racking my brain for memories of last night. I remember being at the party with some guys who invited me, then Rem and Jules showed up. I hung out with them, Rem stepped away to call someone while Jules and I did a line of shots. After that, everything is black. Well, minus the dream with Sebastian, where I told the asshole, I hated him. That I remember.
