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“Looking for something?” Sebastian says behind me.
I’m so startled, I jump back what feels like three feet. My heart slamming against my ribcage in an irregular rhythm as I turn to face him, now only a foot away.
“I-I was just looking for something clean to wear,” I explain.
“Looks like you’ve already found something.”
Luckily, his shirt goes to right above my knees, so he can’t see that I am not wearing anything underneath, but when his gaze wanders down to where my panties should be, he must realize it anyway. The air between us sizzles. Zings with heat. I can feel it in my core, rippling through me. I have to ignore the connection, the simmering heat.
His eyes snap back up to mine, the hazel in them has turned darker, turning almost dark honey or maybe his pupils are dilated. Either way, he looks like he is about to devour me, and I’m not sure if I’m scared or excited by the sudden turn of events.
“You don’t happen to have some clean sweatpants I can wear, do you?” The question hangs in the air between us. Licking my dry lips, I wait for something to happen, and then it does. Sebastian lunges forward, taking me by surprise as he slams his lips against mine.
His hands land on my hips gripping onto me possessively while pulling my body toward him. Even though the kiss is deep and passionate, it only lasts about two seconds. It’s then that he must realize what he just did.
Breaking the kiss, he stumbles back. Before I realize it, my hand is flying through the air, my palm connecting with his cheek, the sting of the hit radiating across my hand. The sound of my hand on his face fills the room.
His head snaps to the side, his jaw clenched so tightly I can see the muscles tightening along it. Through it all his eyes stay glued to mine, a mixture of shock, and desire flickers in his hazel depths. Shame paints me from the inside out. How do we keep ending up like this? Inside my head, all I hear is this was a mistake.
I don’t want to be a mistake.
I don’t want to be anything.
Another moment passes between us before those two feelings fade molding into a ball of regret and sadness. No. I don’t want to be a regret to him. I don’t want to see sadness in his eyes. Emotions are a fickle thing, and mine are spiraling out of control like a plane that’s been shot down out of the sky.
I want to replace those feelings with something else… need, want. I want to feel anything but the things I’ve felt since losing my entire family, ten years ago. Crossing the space separating us, I sling my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me. This close, I can feel how much he wants me; how much he needs me. Knowing I shouldn’t, but that I’m going to anyway, I press my lips to his.
His whole body stiffens at first, but in the next instant softens, his arms come around my waist, deepening the kiss. I feel like I’m melting… melting into his touch. He shudders against me, and I swear I can feel his walls crumbling. All the tension, all the resentment and anger between us falling away, leaving only us standing in the room.
We kiss for what feels like an eternity, but still, it’s not enough, and when his hands wander from my waist to my lower back and then fall to my ass, I almost burst with need. His touch is electrifying, it ignites something deep inside me. His fingers trail even lower until he is at the hem of the shirt brushing against my bare skin.
He groans when he makes contact with my flesh, and as if that was the final straw, the one that made him snap, he grabs onto me, his fingers digging into my skin. In one swift move, he picks me up. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his middle, and my arms around his shoulders as he carries me like this to the bed.
Oh, my god, this is it. I’m going to lose my virginity.
I always thought I would be nervous and scared when it happened, but right now, I’m feeling none of those things.
All I’m feeling is lust and need as he gently deposits me onto the bed. Only then does he break the kiss. His eyes bleed into mine as he hovers over me. Indecision paints his features, and I know already that he’s second-guessing this, us. Something overcomes me, and I know I can’t let things end the way they did last time. Yes, this is wrong, but some of the best things end in tragedy. I know without a doubt, I will regret this, but I need him. I need this, and I need it now.
