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“Shit, did I hurt you?” he questions, a moment before I can see him put the puzzle pieces together. “You’re a…” His eyebrows pinch together as if he’s in pain. He moves to pull out, and I wince, wrapping my legs around him, holding him inside me.
“Yes, I am a virgin. Well, was. I was a virgin, but I’m not anymore. I want this with you. Please, don’t stop. I wanted it to be you.” Something happens then, it’s like a switch goes off inside of him. He grits his teeth and starts to move, very slowly. His muscles tense, and his body shakes as he does everything he can, not to hurt me. But I don’t want his kindness. I just want him.
Cupping him by the cheeks, I pull his face down to mine and press my lips against his. Then, I sink my teeth into his bottom lip and bite him. He groans, pulling out, before slamming back in. Pleasure and pain mix together, and with every thrust, the sting resides.
“Fuck me, Sebastian,” I demand.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He grunts, moving slow.
Panting, I say, “You won’t. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Please, I need this. I need you.”
Swallowing, he nods and pulls away again, sitting back on his knees, he grips me by the hips, impaling me on his length. My mouth pops open as he swivels his hips, the head of his cock touching some place inside me that feels like heaven.
“Oh…oh…” I start to cry out, bucking my hips to meet his hard thrusts. In this moment, it’s just us. Two souls healing each other. Two souls finding the will to keep going and becoming one somewhere along the way. Using his thumb, Sebastian draws tiny circles against my clit.
“Come for me, Lily. Milk my cock, take from me.”
“Shit…” I scream as he drives into me again and again. The headboard bangs against the wall with each thrust.
Like a rocket, I go off, and I swear fragments of my body, my heart, go with me. Every muscle tightens, and I clamp down on his cock, squeezing the life out of him. The contours of Sebastian’s face look pained, but I can’t tell because his grip on my hips turns bruising as he buries himself deep inside of me, again, and again.
Two more thrusts and he closes his eyes, throwing his head back, he lets out an ear-piercing roar, that I’m pretty sure everyone in a five-mile radius can hear. Then he stills and starts to come, his sticky seed filling me. It occurs to me then, as warmth radiates through me that we didn’t use a condom.
Damnit.
He must realize it too, because when he turns his head back to me and opens his eyes, they are filled with shock, even within the aftermath of his climax.
“Shit, we didn’t use a condom.” Panic seems to grip him, replacing the calm, relaxed demeanor, that masked his face a short while ago.
“It’s okay… I mean, I-I should be okay. I just had my period. So, it’s unlikely that I would get… you know…” I stumble over the words before trailing off, unable to even say the word pregnant.
Sebastian shakes his head, “It’s not okay. It was a reckless choice. One that could end up hurting both of us.”
I know he is right, and that he didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, but I can’t help feeling the sting from his words. It’s like he slapped me with them. He regrets what we did, and that part probably hurts the most.
Immediately, I’m reminded of what we are to each other and how wrong this was for us to do. Nothing will come of it. I’ll never get to be his girlfriend. I’ll never be more than a dirty little secret to him. He’s the Dean. I’m just a student. Never mind the other things stacked against us. We were fated for this. Fated to never have a chance.
Without thinking, I crawl from the bed and find my shirt and sleep shorts. I tug them on, wincing at the uncomfortable state of my body. Seb stares down at the bed where I was just lying. I can see the wheels turning in his head.
“We… this was…” He stumbles, trying to find the right words to say, but I know what he is thinking… a mistake. He wants to say this was a mistake, and I can feel my heart breaking in my chest. The only thing I can think to do is break his heart before he can break mine. I’m tired of always being the one who gets left behind.
“If you’re going to say this was a mistake, then you’re right. This was a huge mistake.”
“I… I don’t… fucking Christ, Lily, that’s not what I meant.” He reaches for his boxers and slips into them. Suddenly, the room feels smaller, colder. He’s taking up all the space inside my heart, and I can’t risk getting attached, wanting more, because he will never be able to give that to me. Stupid. I was so stupid.
