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“What did you say? What happened?” she asks, with real concern etched into her features. Staring at her, I wonder how my asshole brother got so lucky. Jules is one of the kindest, sweetest people I know.
“I was… my emotions were running high and well, I didn’t know that I was her first until it was too late, and to make matters worse… after that, I started to say something about us being a mistake. I stopped, but it was too late.” I pause, a horrid pain slicing through my chest at the memory. “She gave herself to me, and then, I opened my stupid mouth and all but pushed her away.”
I didn’t sleep a wink last night, and not because I wasn’t tired. I was fucking exhausted, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Lily, about the hurt in her eyes when I said those words. When I opened my mouth after the best sex, I’d ever had in my life.
“She gave you her virginity, and you said it was a mistake?” Jules asks with a wince.
I nod. Jesus, why does it sound so harsh with her saying it.
Jules frowns, “Did you tell her that you didn’t mean it?”
“Of course, but it was too late. She pretty much shut down and pushed me away. Physically and mentally.”
The truth is, things are complicated between Lily and me. We both want each other but are fighting the current that’s bringing us together. I wasn’t lying when I told her what happened was inevitable. We were going to collide, and we had, and it was amazing, but the aftermath of it all was catastrophic. I don’t want to hurt Lily. I don’t know what to do.
There is no undo button, there is no way I can forget about what we’ve done. And I definitely don’t want to either. Lily is unforgettable.
“What are you going to do?” Rem asks, breaking the silence.
“I don’t know. I’m going to try and go back to the house in a little bit and see what happens. Hopefully giving her the night to herself and time to cool off will encourage her to listen to my apology.”
“Well, good luck with that,” Rem tells me, earning himself a jab in the ribs by Jules.
“It will be fine, Seb,” Jules tries to calm me down. “Just go talk to her. Explain it like you explained it to us. She’ll understand.”
God, I hope so. I really fucking hope so.
I turn the lock hesitantly, and push open my front door slowly, not because I am scared to see Lily, but because I’m scared she won’t be here. She was so upset when I left last night, and the worst thing she could do to me right now is just leave.
I want to talk to her, I want to make this right, and if she left, ending things the way we did, I would be devastated.
Holding my breath, I walk into the living room. Only when I see her sitting on the couch, her legs drawn up to her chest, do I fill my lungs with air. She is still here.
“Hey,” I greet her, throwing my keys and phone on the side table.
“Hey,” she answers, her voice quiet and timid, unlike her normal self.
“I’m glad you’re still here. I was worried you would leave or something,” I admit.
“Where else would I go?” Her question stings. Is she only here because she doesn’t have a choice? Does she feel like she is stuck here with me? Shoving those questions to the back of my mind, I take a deep breath and start talking.
“Listen, Lily, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to say that it was a mistake…”
“Can we please just forget about it?” She interrupts me.
“Forget about it?” Is she serious? I can’t just forget one of the best nights of my life. “I don’t want to forget about it.”
“Well, I do, and I think you should too,” her voice is stern, or at least she tries to keep it that way, but I know Lily too well. I notice the slight tremble in her voice and the way she nervously plays with the hem of her shirt. She is lying.
“Lily—” I start but she cuts me off once again.
“Please, let’s just forget last night happen and go back to how we were before.”
I take a moment to weigh my options, and I come to the conclusion that if this is what I have to do to keep her here, then I’ll do it.
“Okay, fine… we’ll forget last night happened,” I say, the words leaving a sour taste on my tongue.
“Thank you,” Lily mumbles.
I give her a small nod and turn around, heading for the shower, when the doorbell rings. Who the hell is that?
“Are you expecting someone?” I ask Lily.
When she tells me no, I spin around. A little annoyed by the unannounced visitor, I walk back to the front door and open it.
