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“But you’re aNumber.”
“Yes, and that won’t change. Not now. Not ever.”
“I see.”
“I don’t think you do. I’m not a fool, Christy. I’m not under any illusions about this place, or about The Masks and the kind of men they are. I don’t have Stockholm Syndrome. I choose to be here because I want to be, not because I’m forced to stay. Ardelby Castle isn’t a prison. It’s my home.”
“Have you ever tried to leave?” I ask.
“No.”
“Then how do you know that? If you’ve never tried to leave, how do you know that this isn’t just a beautiful gilded cage?” I ask her.
Six heaves out a sigh. “Because I don’tfeeltrapped. That’s how I know.”
“And Leon? You told me that you thought you were in love with him once. Are you?”
She squeezes my hand. “No, but he taught me how to be strong, and I will always be grateful to him for that.”
“Okay,” I reply, absentmindedly reaching for the spot where Konrad bit me, my fingers running over the little indents made by his teeth. I can only believe her, because what else can I do? My feelings towards these men are changing rapidly, and the more time I spend here, the more complicated they become.
“He hurt you,” Six says, drawing my attention back to her.
My hand falls back into my lap. “I hurt him as well.”
“You did?”
“Yes. Just like Twelve,” I whisper, guilt about how I handled things suddenly pulling me up sharp. At the lake he’d swam away from me, but I’d chased him down. I’d sensed his weakness and I capitalised on it. I might feel differently now about Konrad, but I can’t deny the truth that I wanted to bury myself in his heart so that I could break it later. My feelings, my emotions are so messed up by them that I couldn’t see clearly, or think straight when I was around them. It’s only now, with space and distance, that I see what I did.
“What?” Six asks.
“No,” Thirteen says, shaking her head furiously. “Not like Twelve.”
Six frowns. “What has Twelve got to do with this?”
“Everything.” A sob breaks free from my lips at the memory of her hanging from the ceiling of that cell.
“Listen to me, Christy,” Thirteen implores. “What happened between you and Konrad wasn’t the same.”
“You weren’t there, you didn’t see what went on between us. What Idid,” I argue.
What I’m going to do.
“Did you strap him down?”
“No,” I shake my head.
“Did you drug him to make him hard?”
“No.”
“Wait, what are you saying?” Six asks, looking between us both.
“Did you take something he didn’t want to give?” Thirteen continues, ignoring her.
“He wanted to fuck me, but…”
“No buts. It’s not the same,” Thirteen says, firmly. “You didn’t rape Konrad.”
