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CHAPTER27
CHRISTY
Jakub’s been asleep for sixteen long hours. Thirteen and I have tended to his mutilated body, treating his wounds and bruises as best we can. Her potions and lotions are powerful and much of the redness around the cuts and lashes has paled, though it will be a long while before they’ve healed. His skin and wounds are clean and whilst the majority of his body is covered in bruises, there is some colour in his cheeks that wasn’t there before.
“I’m concerned,” Thirteen says, canting a look at me as she applies more ointment to a particularly stubborn wound that isn’t reacting as well to the cream she’s been applying religiously to it every hour on the hour.
“You think he needs antibiotics?” I ask.
“No,” she replies, shaking her head. “These wounds will heal and he’ll recover, I’m certain. I’m concerned about…” She sighs, wiping her hands on a handkerchief and reaching over to grab my hand. She squeezes it gently, our joined hands resting over the steady beat of Jakub’s heart.
“What?”
“I’m concerned about you all. About your future.”
“Our future?” I ask, feeling the thump of my pulse quickening.
“Do you remember what you said to me the other night?”
I look away, chewing on my bottom lip. “Yes, I do.”
“And was that something you believed or something you saw?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything…” My voice trails off as a thread of fear creeps up my spine. I squeeze her hands. “Ican’tsay anything more.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to tempt fate. I can’t change what has to happen.”
“Has to?” She cocks her head to the side, frowning.
“Yes,hasto. Even if you try to run from Fate, it will catch up with you in the end. My mother learnt that the hard way.”
“Then why have you been given a gift such as this if you can’t use it to change the course of the future?” she whispers, even though there’s no chance of waking Jakub up. He’s completely oblivious to our conversation, so buried beneath fatigue that I’m starting to wonder whether he’ll ever wake up.
“Because this isn’t a gift,” I reply. “It never was.”
“But your mother sent the letters. She found a way to help,” Thirteen protests.
“You’re right, she did, but she never told me exactly what would happen, only that I can’t fight what’s written, that I mustn’t make the same mistakes she did.” I sigh, glancing at Jakub, at the dark shadows beneath his eyes and the tightness of his jaw even in sleep. “The only difference is now I’m no longer fighting it.”
Thirteen nods in understanding. “I’m sorry it’s such a burden knowing what’s to come.”
“Me too,” I whisper, my voice trailing off as I look at Jakub’s sleeping form.
I don’t know what will happen when he wakes up, whether he’ll be the same man who forced Seven to hurt Three or if he’ll be someone different. All I know is that my mother was right, at least partially, because thereisstrength in forgiveness and bravery in compassion. I felt that acutely when I’d comforted Jakub whilst he fought his demons on the floor of that hellhole. He isn’t a good man, but once upon a time he had the potential to become one. I saw that in the child he was. I felt that within the ruined boy still living inside of him as I wrapped my arms around Jakub and held them both, whilst he broke apart in my arms.
As he’d trembled beneath my touch, no more than a terrified animal past the point of lashing out, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of man he would’ve been if he’d been nurtured and loved the right way. Knowing that we’ll never get the chance to find out fills me with a deep sorrow.
I don’t understand the point of all of this. Why have our paths crossed in such a way if their journey comes to an abrupt end in the very near future? It makes no sense, and I’ve twisted myself up trying to unravel it all, trying to understand the point of all of this heartache.
The only thing I know to be certain is that Grim, Beast and Ford are coming, and soon. I’m going to carve my name in their chests with a poisoned knife. I’m going to kill them anyway. It doesn’t matter that my feelings towards these men are changing. It doesn’t matter that the thought of killing them turns me inside out. Our future is already written and all we can do is walk the path we were meant to walk right to the bitter end.
With a heavy sigh, I untangle my fingers from Thirteen’s and take the pot of cream she offers me so that I can smother the wounds on Jakub’s chest. I know he’s resting, recovering from his recent injuries, but there’s a listlessness about him, an enduring sadness that can’t be disguised even in sleep. His suffering hasn’t ended, it’s just taken a different turn.
“I can’t change the future,” I say softly. “I can only do what feels right here and now in the present.”
She nods her head. “I guess that’s all we can do.”
