AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His teeth grind together, a lifetime of conditioning battling with his need to give in to a new way of thinking. “I’m so fucking scared,” he admits.
“I’m scared too, Jakub. I was scared when Leon claimed my virginity so brutally then made love to me like I was the other half of his soul. I was frightened when Konrad fought his monster whilst fucking me but more so when I fought alongside him, willing him to win. I’m terrified that I’m wrong and you’ll never be free of your demons, that you’ll end up hurting me despite wanting to be a better man. I’m afraid fate is fucking with us all and in the end everything we’ve been through will all be for nothing.”
“Will you ever forgive me?” he asks, his voice pitted with sorrow, regret, remorse,griefas he presses his forehead against mine.
“Your redemption doesn’t start and end with me, Jakub. It never has.”
“Tell me what I should do, Christy.”
“Learn a better way.”
“Show me,” he breathes. “I need you to please fucking show me.”
“I’ve already promised you that I would,” I say. “I just have to be certain you want it, too.”
“I do. Fuck, I do. I’m so sorry for it all, Christy.”
His apology whispers around the courtyard, carried off in the wind as the rain eases and the thunder moves off into the distance. With my heart battering against my rib cage, I brush my lips against his, then silently take his hand in mine, pulling him to his feet. “Come with me,” I say, leading him across the courtyard and through the castle back to the Masks suite, with Konrad and Leon in tow.
“Could you light the fire?” I ask Konrad as we enter their communal living area. He removes his mask and swipes a hand through his wet hair, pushing it back off his face.
“Sure,” he replies, setting to work. I think he’s glad for something to do. There’s a growing tension that sizzles between all of us that’s becoming increasingly hard to ignore.
Leon removes his mask as well, dropping it onto the side table next to Konrad’s. “What do you need from me, Christy?” he asks.
“Just be here.”
“Always,” he replies with a dip of his head.
“You’ve pulled open some of your wounds,” I say, focussing my attention back on Jakub and running my fingers gently over his chest. “These will need more ointment.”
“Don’t,” he whispers, as though my featherlight touch hurts him. “I need to feel the pain.”
“No,” I shake my head, continuing to gently stroke his skin, and use the cuff of my shirt to dab at the blood weeping from some of the wounds. “You think you need the pain to numb the feelings, but you don’t, not anymore.Feelingis what makes you human, Jakub, it’s what prevents your heart from turning into stone.”
He trembles beneath my touch, his teeth chattering from the cold and perhaps with more than a little uncertainty. He’s only ever been taught to fear kindness, empathy, compassion. I need to change that, but first I have to be honest with him, as honest I can be without revealing what’s to come. “I know what your father did to you in that cabin, Jakub. I saw it.”
Jakub draws in a sharp intake of breath, his skin paling. He stumbles a little, and Leon steps up behind him, steadying him.
“You saw what he did to me…?”
“Yes. I’m my mother’s daughter after all.”
“Fuck,” he exclaims, his shoulders dropping with shame.
“I’m sorry for everything you’ve had to endure. No child should have to suffer such cruelty.” Before I can change my mind, I wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek against his chest and hugging him close. He stiffens from my touch, but I don’t let him go. I want him to feel my compassion, to accept it, not push it away.
“Christy, what are you doing?” he asks on a shaky intake of breath.
“Holding you. Comforting you,” I reply, willing him to relax.
“You want to fuck me?”
“I want to show you that human connection doesn’t have to be painful,” I reply, making a decision as I press a gentle kiss against his collarbone. Stepping back, I slowly undo the buttons of my shirt, the material parting and revealing a strip of flesh as my hands fall away. “I want you to know that giving and receiving kindness doesn’t have to hurt.” I shrug off the wet material, the warmth of the fire welcome on my cold skin.
“Jesus, fuck,” Konrad exclaims, his voice gravelly as his gaze licks across my bare flesh, prickling my skin with goosebumps.
“Beautiful,” Leon murmurs, his chest heaving and lips parting on a ragged breath.
