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Every now and then a word or a phrase sinks into my consciousness as he repeats those steps.
Broken.
Protect you.
Monster.
Dying.
Cut me.
Fucked up.
Hurt.
Want you.
Sorry.
Angel.
Lost again.
Mirror.
When he drops the washcloth in the water, and adjusts me in his arms, gently cupping the back of my head as he helps me to float, I find myself staring up into his eyes. I don’t look away. I don’t do anything other than let him support my weight in the water. Above him, the last of the day’s sunlight pours through the glass ceiling, the sky a deep purple edged with pinks and oranges.
“Even now I want you like this.Brokenlike this. I want to sink into you. I want to fuck you. God, I want to fuck you so bad,” he mutters, a host of emotions scattering across his face like shadows through a darkened room. “I’m not a good person. I’ll never be a good person, but Iwilltry to be. I’ll fucking try if it means I get to keep you.” His gaze roves over my naked skin, from my face to my chest, to my stomach, to my pussy and back up again. Need flares in his eyes, quickly followed by shame, then anger. He’s fighting his natural instinct to take, to maim, to steal, tohurt. He’s flooded with need, with emotion, with contradiction.
Yet I’m hollow. I don’t feel.
Not fear.
Not embarrassment or shame.
Not hate.
Nor anger.
I’mempty.
He could take advantage of me right now and I doubt I’d feel a thing.
He could take my virginity and cover his dick with my blood, and I wouldn’t even notice.
He could kill me and I’d let him.
Yet, he does none of those things. Instead, he gathers me in his arms, climbs out of the bath and carries me back into the bedroom, laying me down on the bed.
“She needs to rest,” Thirteen says, entering my peripheral vision. I don’t need to see her expression to know that she fears for me. She doesn’t trust him not to hurt me again.
“And she will,” he replies. “I’ll make sure she does.”
“It would be better if you leave. Give her some space.” Thirteen’s voice is filled with trepidation, as though she’s expecting him to revert back to the man we both know so well.
I don’t doubt that he will, I just don’t care if he does.
“No, I’m not going anywhere. I respected your wishes and gave you time to heal her. It didn’t work.”
