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Fury fires through his blood, making the veins in his neck bulge beneath his skin. I match his fury with my own, remembering the time when we were just kids and he brought that nameless woman back to life only to kill her then bring her back to life so he could kill her over and over again. That day he went from the Konrad I knew to the Konrad our father moulded. It happened right before my eyes.
“Only so you could feel the way you did when we were kids. You’re fucked in the head!”
Behind us the door opens and Thirteen steps out, Christy and Nala following closely behind. Konrad glares at me, his chest heaving. “We’re all fucked in the head, brother. We’re all fucked-up because ofher,” he says, his gaze flickering behind me briefly before he steps back, turns on his heel and strides along the hall.
* * *
Thirteen pulls upthe thick blanket, covering Renard’s chest, then looks over at me and shakes her head. “He has very little time left.”
“No!” Nala sobs, her thin shoulders shaking with grief as she covers her face with her hands. She falls to his side, grasping his hands as he rolls his head towards her, lifting a frail hand to the top of her head. With immense effort, Renard strokes her hair.
“Hush, child. Don’t cry for me,” he croaks.
“Grandfather,pleasedon’t leave me.”
“I have no choice.” His hand falls back to the bed as she presses her tear-stained cheek against his.
“What will I do without you?”
“You will live, Nala. You willlive.”
Konrad stands in the corner of the room, his arms crossed over his chest. For the first time in my life, I wish he wasn’t wearing a mask so that I could read him better. So I could see if he truly has the capacity to hurt, tofeel.
Only he doesn’t remove his mask and he keeps his gaze fixed firmly on Christy who’s watching the whole scene unfold. She hugs herself, her slight frame shivering despite the woollen dress she wears.
“Are you cold? Does this upset you?” I ask, offering her my jumper.
She shakes her head. “I’ve seen many people die.”
“Of course. You worked in a hospice, isn’t that right?” Konrad asks, cocking his head to the side.
“I did. I’ve looked into the face of death many times,” she replies, meeting his gaze with a steely one of her own before turning them back on Renard.
“Those eyes…” he says, and she stiffens. “Tell me, Zero. What did you see when you died? Is there a heaven filled with angels sitting on fluffy white clouds and a God with a halo above his head? Or is death just darkness, empty, filled with…Nothing?”
“This is hardly the time for such a discussion,” Thirteen says as she attempts to soothe Nala.
But Nala is oblivious, too wrapped up in her own grief to pay any attention to our conversation.
“It was a simple question. I’m curious,” he states.
“I don’t remember.”
“So it was nothing. Interesting.”
“I didn’t say that,” Christy retorts, her birthmark deepening in colour. “I just don’t remember.”
“Or you just don’t want to tell us the truth,” Konrad suggests, pushing off the wall. He places his hands on Thirteen’s shoulders and moves her, taking her spot beside Nala. Crouching, he places one hand on Renard’s arm, and one hand on Nala’s back.
“There is a heaven, isn’t there, Konrad?” Nala asks, forgetting to call him Sir in her moment of grief, and far more aware of our conversation than I’d thought. Tears slide down her cheeks as she looks to him for some kind of reassurance. She’s searching for answers from the wrong person though. He no more believes in Heaven than I do.
“I believe everyone has a soul, and every soul has a destination,” he replies quietly, the gap in his mask allowing him to give Nala a gentle smile. Fuck, he’s good at this.
“Where will Grandfather’s soul go?”
“That I don’t know,” Konrad replies evenly, glancing up at me.
I know what he’s thinking though. Renard might never have killed a person, or hurt someone with his own bare hands, but he stood by as our father raped and murdered, clearing up his messes with little emotion and a clinical kind of detachment. He’s softened somewhat over the years, and that’s mainly due to Nala. Regardless, the old man won’t be getting past the pearly gates, even if such a place did exist. Pretty sure he’d end up in Hell with the rest of us, or wherever the fuck the likes of us end up.
