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“Then why was he here? At your house? In the middle of the fucking day?”
“Because I thought you were cheating on me, so I asked him to come over to cheer me up. But nothing happened, I swear!”
But he could tell that I was lying through my teeth. I was never any good at lying, and it became glaringly obvious the more nervous I got.
“Oh, really? Then why do you have a dude’s sock on your couch?”
I looked over to where he was nodding, and staring at me right in the face, was a black sock.
“Oh, that’s just my dad’s.”
That was a mistake. Dawson walked over to where the sock was and picked it up. And to my demise, Ross’ fucking mother had stitched his name on the inside tag!
“I’m sorry!” I blurted. “We just made out, but I swear, we didn’t have sex! We were about to, but then you called, and I couldn’t do it anymore. So, I kicked him out!”
“Why would you do that to me? How could you cheat on me? After everything we’ve been through?”
“Because I thought you were cheating on me! I’m so sorry, Dawson!” I clung onto his arm like plastic wrap. I didn’t think I ever loved him, but the thought of losing him felt more terrifying that spending the rest of my life with him.
But he pushed me away. “I don’t know, Amber. I trusted you. I love you, for fuck’s sake! And you go ahead and pull this shit?”
“Please, Dawson, please don’t go! Let me make this up to you! How can I get you to forgive me?”
“Kill Ross.”
***
AND THAT’S HOW I found myself standing inside this warehouse. Dawson had given me an ultimatum—kill Ross, or lose him for good. The plan was to get him out of my life for good. Eliminate the threat. It was the only way Dawson could ever stay with me.
But I didn’t know how to go through with it. The plan was to lure Ross into the warehouse, giving him whatever he needed just to get him there, and then put a bullet through his head. But as the days counted down to that moment, I felt myself flickering back and forth between the two men in my life.
On the one hand, Dawson was hot, a god if I’d ever seen one. But we had nothing in common other than the fact that he’d taken my virginity. On the other hand, Ross was everything I’d ever wanted, a small-town boy with plenty to give and the promise of never betraying me.
But I loved Dawson. He was my first, and I wanted to give him what he wanted so we could stay together. Dawson. Ross. Dawson. Ross. Who do I choose? Or do I just walk away from them both?
“Amber, please! Don’t do this! I beg you; don’t do this!”
“Shut up! Shut up!” His voice sounded like nails down a chalkboard inside my ears, and if I’d had my second cup of coffee this morning, I may have just been a little more lenient. But I’m tired. I’m so tired of all the games, of all the lies, of the fucking ultimatum. “Just shut up, and let me think!”
The line between what I’d done to myself and what others had done to me was beginning to blur, and even though a part of me knew that none of this was exactly his fault, I couldn’t find the strength to pull myself out of my trance.
I didn’t plan for this to happen. Hell, I didn’t even think I’d show up. Throwing on my pajamas and climbing into bed was my way of saying “no way in hell.” I thought that if I slept through the night, I’d wake up the next morning scar-free.
But instead, somehow, I found my way here, holding a gun in my hand and aiming it at the man I once loved. Maybe because I knew that if I didn’t take matters into my own hands, the two of them would end up dead the next day.
“Please, Amber. I’m sorry. For everything! You don’t have to do this. I’ll forgive you! Just please, don’t pull the trigger.” His voice continued to stab against my brain, and every word felt like someone was ripping off a fucking nerve.
“I don’t have to do this? I don’t have to do this?! The nerve of you even saying that after what you’ve put me through, and now you have the audacity to ask me to stop?” I found myself yelling at him, my voice growing louder and louder by the second.
But in reality, I was just yelling at myself. At this little voice inside my head that refused to shut up. And if I’d recognized sooner that I was only taking my anger out on him, maybe this night wouldn’t have ended in a bloodbath.
To be honest, I didn’t even know why I’d been so angry. And if you asked, I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when the words that came out of his mouth turned into a bullet straight through his head. But it did. And as I found myself trying to vigorously shake the anguish and stabbing pain out from my brain, I also found myself staring into my former lover’s eyes, blood dripping from his mouth, followed by his body collapsing onto the ground and the shrieking scream of a female’s voice.
Wait? Who else was here? I thought we were the only ones. Then who thefuckwas yelling like a banshee that had just taken a knife to the heart?
Oh, right. Now I remember. It’smyvoice.Iwas the one screaming like a banshee.
I looked around me, and Ross was nowhere to be found. He must’ve snuck out the back when Dawson was begging for his life, and after a night of emotional terror, I found myself standing in front of a lifeless body, his blood pooling around my feet, with a smoking gun in my hand.
