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“I don’t want you to be afraid of me or your perspective of me to change. I’ve done some bad shit. I know those things don’t define me as a person, but meeting you has changed me. Changed my thinking, my wants, needs.” He gives me a dejected look.
I almost feel sorry for even asking, but I want this, this friendship, this relationship, whatever it may be.
I cross the space separating us and place my hand against his bare chest. His skin is warm beneath my palm and smells clean. My eyes take forever to make it up to his face. When I do, I see he’s been watching me the whole time.
Way to go, Elyse.
“I want to know you…like really know you. I’ve never had a friend, except Tasha, and I’ve definitely never had a guy friend.” I smile up at him, praying he tells me a morsel about who he is.
Hero lifts his hand, gripping me by the chin very gently, forcing me to look into his eyes. “I’m not a good man, Elyse. But that doesn’t mean I’ll run you away. It doesn’t mean I’m not selfish enough to take you or want you, because I am. But I won’t tell you I’m good. I don’t want you afraid of me, but there are things I’ve done you will fear. There are things I may do to protect you that will scare you.”
I nod my head as well as I can within his grasp. “I’m sure whatever you did, you had good reason to do it.” I don’t really understand why it matters, what his past has to do with our future.
He glances away briefly, and when his eyes come back to mine, there’s a different look in them, a faraway look, like he’s somewhere else altogether. “I killed a man. A man who abused me and my mother. I killed him, and honestly, I’d do it again if given the chance.”
I blink slowly, digesting every word. He killed a man. A man who abused him. A man who abused his mother. I almost sigh in relief. He’s not a killer because he wants to be… “You were protecting yourself. Protecting your mother,” I announce, like he doesn’t already know that.
He releases his hold on my chin, but continues to look at me, making sure I see and hear every word he says. “I went to prison for it. It changed me. It broke me. It made me cold, cruel, and angry. I’m always angry. Always,” he sighs. “Except with you.”
My heart flips inside my chest. I want to kiss him again.
The sound of a phone ringing pulls me from the trance I’m in and I realize it’s my cellphone going off. I blink and run in the direction of the sound. This is bad, so bad. It could be my parents, or Tasha. “Oh my gosh. I forgot about Tasha,” I mumble, spotting my phone on Hero’s dresser as well as my wallet. Tasha’s name scrolls across the screen, and I damn near sigh in relief. At least it’s not my parents.
I fire off a quick text telling her I’ll be home soon.
“I need to go back to my place,” I yell over my shoulder.
“Perfect. I’ll take you there now.”
I hear his response and frown. My heart’s still beating like crazy inside my chest and I don’t want this moment with him to end. I have questions, so many. Questions for him, for myself. What would my parents think about him?
I nibble on my bottom lip. Nothing good, I know for sure. They would never, ever approve of someone like Hero. But this knowledge draws me even more to him. He’s everything my parents warned me of, everything they resent in a man, and maybe, that’s exactly why I need him. Why I’m drawn to him.
“Ready?” Hero’s voice vibrates through me, and I look up to see him standing in the doorway. The look on his face tells me he doesn’t want this morning to end either, and that’s enough proof for me to come back again.
Chapter Five
Hero
I walk across the campus square in a shit mood. It’s been nearly a week since I’ve heard from Elyse, and it’s pissing me off. I consider skipping my study session with her, but remember the way she reacted at being late and how she needed the job so badly, she kissed a complete stranger.
The thought makes me smile, how easily she was persuaded into kissing me. It’s merely another example of why she needs my protection. Such a precious flower in a venomous world.
I remind myself how I had to cement my feet to the floor so I wouldn’t go to her. I want to see her up close, not just from the dark corners I’ve been hiding in when I follow her to and from classes.
