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I know he warned me before, but I thought maybe once we shared this, things would be different again. I thought this made him see we are right for each other. That I can be what he needs me to be.
“Yeah, I know. I pulled out,” he states, matter of fact.
“I’m not on birth control,” I announce, pushing up onto my elbows. Suddenly, what we’ve done hits me. I don’t know a lot about sex, like nothing at all, but I do know when you do it enough it makes babies.
Hero shrugs and starts walking away. “If you get pregnant, we’ll deal with it.”
I blink. What does he mean deal with it? Something snaps inside me. I’m not sure if it’s my emotions spiraling out of control or the sadness of it all, but I have to say something, anything. “How can you say that? Then act like this toward me, even more so since I know you’ve been watching me.”
This gets his attention. Turning, he looks at me over his shoulder.
“I know you still care about me, that’s why you’ve been watching me, isn’t it? You’ve missed me too, haven’t you?” I refuse to let him lie to me, not about this.
His eyebrows draw together in frustration. “What the hell are you talking about?”
I drop my gaze. “I feel your eyes on me when I’m walking across campus. I know you’ve been following me. You don’t have to hide it.”
Hero shakes his head in disbelief, a ragged exhale leaving his lips, “Elyse, I’ve been staying away from you. In fact, I’ve gone out of my way so I wouldn’t run into you. I don’t miss you. I don’t care about you. You’re nothing to me—nothing but a tight hole to fuck.”
His words are so hateful, so mean, he might as well have punched me in the face. I would have much rather gotten punched in the face than listen to another degrading word fall from his lips.
“Maybe I’m crazy for believing you had a heart. I must have imagined it—imagined all of this. I guess you don’t really live up to your name, do you, Hero? I’m sorry for wasting your time.” Tears sting my eyes.
I thought this would change things—giving myself to him would make him want me more, but it’s apparent now that isn’t the case. Hero’s lost, and I don’t know if I’m willing to jump into darker waters to be with him.
I shove off the bed, ignoring the soreness between my legs, and concentrate on the pain in my chest instead. Gathering my pants off the floor, I pull them over my wobbly legs with shaking hands, surprising myself that I’m able to keep my balance.
My eyes burn with held back tears, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction and cry in front of him.
Out the corner of my eye, I can see him still standing in the same spot, watching me struggle to put my clothes back on. It kills me to know he’s still in there, hiding somewhere. I miss him. I miss him so much.
He startles me, his voice booming through the room. “Do you really think someone is watching you?”
“If it’s not you, who else could it possibly be? And even if someone else were following me, what do you care? You don’t give a fuck about me. I’m just another girl to fuck, right?” I mock him. Cussing seems like one of my lesser wrongdoings today. In fact, I may start doing it more.
With my bra in place, I pull on my shirt and start heading toward the door.
Hero steps in front of me so quickly, I run into his still bare chest. He grabs my elbows, steadying me.
I look up at him in surprise.
“You are staying here,” he orders, pushing me backwards, back to the bed where I just came from.
“W-What?”
“You heard me. You are staying here.” He deposits me back onto the bed and turns on his heels, walking toward the door. He had his boxers on now, but it doesn’t stop my eyes from dropping to his ass.
“What?” I repeat, much louder and more demanding than the first time.
“You can sleep in my bed, I’ll take the couch. If you think someone is watching you, it’s not safe for you out there on your own. Until we know what’s going on, you’ll stay here at least until I’m sure no one is trying to kill you.”
“Kill me?” I shriek.
Hero looks at me like he knows something I don’t, and that scares me. All of this does.
“Yes, kill you, as in dead, died, gone,” he draws out the words, making a different kind of shiver run down my spine.
And just like that, Hero’s mask slips out of place, and I feel like there might be a chance for us after all.
