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“Oh, you don’t know?”
“No,” I answer. “I mean, he can’t talk or even give me written communication so… And you’re the first pilgrims I’ve met. I’ve only been on Salo for a few diurnals. I’m new.”
The Green-horn female nods, pumps more water for us, then leans in close and lowers her voice. “They told me this at the last stop. Cabal Firestone took on the ancient vows of silence and celibacy for a five-year period as a way to convince the Cardinal of Salo that the monastery of Westmore was worth saving. This place is a ruin that’s actually kind of far off the normal route and beings tend to bypass it. Each monastery has a famous patron god, but no one really knows which of the multigods created Westmore. Because there’s dispute on the origins and who the patron is, it’s been left to ruin. But I heard High Priest Firestone thinks this place is important and that there’s something the rest of us are missing. The Cardinal was charmed with Cabal Firestone’s grit and passion for this project, so she challenged him to prove his dedication with the completion of a vow of denial. No Priest or Nun has managed to complete a vow of this difficulty since ancient times, but he took the vow on the altar of Minos. We are all cheering him on. Everyone fears the Monster of Mount Westmore, but at the same time we also respect him as maybe the most pious priest on the entire route.”
I laugh, “Monster? Everyone calls him a monster?”
“Sorry, it’s true. He’s been here for four years already so I guess he’s got one year left of his vows. Despite how much he’s respected for his knowledge, he gets very few visitors here because he’s scary and took a vow of silence.” She shrugs. “It means only the truly dedicated take the time to come out here to learn from him. But we heard that a human nun was here too who had a universal translator so we decided to take a detour and add this to our route. We’re so happy we did. I just want to warn you, you might have a lot more pilgrims in the future. There was a lot of talk at the last monastery about Westmore; lots of travelers changing their schedules to add this stopover. You really do have a marvelous altar and that library is spectacular. Even though the patron god is unknown and this place is certainly a crumbling wreck, that library is worth the trip. I’ll never forget being able to spend time among such a rare collection. And your hymnals are spectacular.”
Right then Cabal and two Green-horn males join us and we change the subject. I act like nothing is wrong and smile at all the appropriate moments, but my mind is full of this new information. Finally, I’m able to go to bed and think about this problem.
I pace back in forth in my small cell, the voluminous robe swirling around my legs. I’m shocked at what I’ve learned. This whole time I’ve wondered why he’s taken these vows and how much longer they were going to last. For all I’d known, they could’ve been life-long vows. Now I know Cabal is doing this for the monastery and if he can keep his vows one more year, he can get this monastery restored. He’s so close to reaching his goal.
I’m starting to think my idea of leaving is the right one. But my thoughts are not clear. I need guidance, so I sneak out of my room and pad downstairs to the main altar. The vast space is lit only with moon glow filtered through arched windows. I light one solitary candle next to the statue of my personal god and bow my head in prayer.
The next morningI overhear two of our guests chatting as they pack the bus to leave. “How long do you think he’s going to hold out?”
“Not very long. I think he’s in love with her and wants her as his life mate. Did you see how he looks at her? How he sat so close in the refectory? I think he was secretly holding her hand at meals.”
I place a hand over my mouth.In love with me?
“I don’t think he’s going to reach his goal, which is too bad. This monastery really does need saving. That human is kind and I really like her, but she’s going to be the ruin of him.”
“He’s in there right now, praying for guidance!”
“Yep.”
I stagger back into the sanctuary, pause in the doorway and stand there, in shock. The bus rumbles behind me as it departs from the courtyard. Then I glance at Cabal who is on his knees before the altar, praying. He bows so low his forehead touches the stone steps. He’s been praying hard today, barely having a moment to say goodbye to our guests. He seems preoccupied. And now I know why.
My mind flashes to him spending countless hours with his quill in his red claw, restoring the library’s ancient text. The four years he’s already been here, cataloguing the needed repairs and the cost, ready to spend currency the moment his vows are complete. Just two days ago I helped Cabal position an endless number of bowls and tubs strategically around the sanctuary trying to capture all the water leaking from the roof during a sudden rainstorm.
The walls are crumbling. The murals are almost entirely covered in soot. The tapestries are worn and frayed. He’s trying to save this monastery and I have to leave so he can reach his goals. I have to protect him from me.
Otherwise, Iwillbe the ruin of him.
I could wait for the next group of pilgrims to arrive and then leave with them, but who knows when that will be? And…and I’ve got to get out of here right now. What if I grow weak and tell him I love him too?
Tears begin to trail down my face. I’m going to miss him so much. Maybe I can return in a year? I can’t tell him that though; he can’t come after me. He needs to think I’ve left for good.
I race around in back hallways while he prays and ready for my escape. I’m ninety-nine percent certain that the next nearest monastery on the route will take me in and help me arrive at my correct placement. Because I can’t stay here another second.
I sneak into his office, sit at my desk and use the quill and ink to write a note for him on parchment. My writing isn’t as perfect as his, but he has taught me well so it’s at least legible. I carry the note with me to his room and quietly leave it on his pillow.
I will not be the reason the High Priest of Westmore does not complete his goal. I refuse to be the reason this monastery does not receive its much-needed restoration.
I double-knot my shoes, heft a pack of supplies onto my back and walk out a side door. I figure I’ve got a few hours until he truly notices I’m gone and finds the note. And by then, hopefully I will have reached the main road and caught a passing vehicle to pick me up and carry me to the next stop on the pilgrimage route. By the time he comes looking for me it will be too late. My trail will be cold.
The plan is good. Right?
I walk farther than I’ve ever walked in my entire life and my feet are killing me. I’m starting to worry that the distance from Westmore to the main road is farther than I thought.
The sun sets. Dark clouds form above, and a cold wind blows my robe up and around my legs. And then the rain starts, because of course. Nothing can ever be easy for me.
6
Cabal
My knees hurt and my thigh aches, but I ignore the sharp pain and pray harder.
