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“I’ll… if you need…” I hadn’t ever offered to give him a blowjob, not on my own. Usually he asked me, but this time, I wanted to ask him. I wanted to return the favor.
But Xander refused, shaking his head. “No. That’s not how this works. Let me pleasure you. Let me show you how much I want this, how much I want you, and then, when I’ve lived up to your expectations and done what I need to do, then you can give to me.”
“But you do all those—”
Xander places a finger against my lips, shushing me. “No. Don’t make excuses for me. I need to be a better man. For you, for Q, for our unborn baby. I need to be the man I should’ve been all along.”
I don’t say anything, because there is nothing to say. Xander wants to prove himself. He wants to make things right, and I want that, too. I don’t want to give into him simply because we’re having a baby together. I know he has demons and skeletons in his closet, but I want a real relationship. I want us to be together, and though I’m not going anywhere, I feel like we need to work on trusting each other.
“I love you, Mouse. I didn’t want to believe that I could, but I do. I love every single fucking thing about you. I loved you even when I knew I shouldn’t. You deserve better, and I’ll be damned if I let you settle for less than perfect.”
“I love you, too, Xander.” I smile, enjoying this new side of him.
He pulls my shirt back down, covering my bare skin and helps me move back onto the mattress. Once I’m situated beneath the covers, he crawls in beside me, tucking me into his side, his boner poking into my back. I’m blanketed in warmth, and I feel secure, and happier than I ever have been in my entire life.
“Someday, I will be good enough to marry you, and you’ll be the best fucking wife and mother to our children the world could ever have.”
I blink away the tears that appear in my eyes. Xander protected me when he didn’t have to. Yes, he hurt me, and broke me at times but how could I expect any less from a man who never knew what love was? From a man who never experienced what it was like to be cared for. Xander only knew death and pain, and me coming into his life opened up doors he had never thought of touching.
He thought having a son was weakness.
He thought finding someone to love him was a weakness. And maybe when his father was alive it was, but now, now it was a blessing and no matter what, I was going to remind him of how much of a blessing it was every single day.
“Someday, I’m going to marry you, Xander, and you’ll be the best father and husband a woman could ever ask for.” My voice cracks, giving my emotions away. I feel Xander melt into my body, and I relish in the feeling of being in his arms again.
“I don’t deserve you, Ella, but I’ll be fucking damned if I let anyone else have you. You’re mine, forever, and always. I’ll be keeping you until the day I die.”
As my eyes drift closed, a permanent smile appears on my lips, one that I know will linger there far beyond today, tomorrow, or a month from now.
EPILOGUE
Xander
Six Months Later
I give every single one of my men the night off. I have the nanny upstairs in Q’s bedroom for the rest of the evening, and I’m ready to show my sweet little mouse how good of a chef I am. I haven’t cooked but a few times before, but I want to be this man for her. I’ve worked at it every single day. Taking anger management classes and talking about my feelings more. It made me feel like a fucking pussy, but I did it for her.
I did it because it’s what she deserves and what my children deserve. Darkness still surrounds me, but I don’t let it claim me, not like I let it before. I still kill, but I do it for the greater good instead of just doing it because I can.
I will never let the darkness ruin my life like it did with my father’s, and I tell myself this every single day.
“Are you ready for dinner?”
Mouse looks up from reading her book at my question. “Isn’t it a little early for dinner?” She smiles up at me, her big blues sparkling with happiness. Her beautiful strawberry-blonde hair flows freely down her back.
“Well, yes, but I still have to cook it, so if I start it now, it’ll be ready in time for dinner.”
