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“So tell me.”
“All you need to know is I didn’t walk away from them. There was no place for me in that family. They never understood me. They never saw things from my perspective. And when things finally came down to it, I wasn’t welcome anymore.”
“I can’t imagine that. You’re amazing. If they couldn’t see it—”
“They saw me perfectly clearly. I think sometimes it’s you who doesn’t. You can feel like all this planning and discussion about what is right and wrong is just a cute debate for you. For me, it’s real. You and I argue so much because we value different things, and that will be what blows this up.”
“Nothing is getting blown up.”
“You’re foolish to think that. You’re bringing me the pepper shaker. You’re holding my hand to keep it still. You’re making the tea I like without me asking.”
“I don’t get the pepper shaker thing.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re falling for me. And you’re too free-spirited and go-with-the-flow to see how bad of an idea that is.” She’d taken her hand from his and was now waving it wildly. “I can see. I know exactly what will happen between us.”
“You can’t tell the future, Cleo. None of us can. I know we’re in some uncharted territory right now, but we can figure it out. Maybe you’re smashing all your feelings together in one big scary, angry glob, a glob of past and present feelings.”
She closed her eyes, and shockingly the image of a glob appeared in her mind. It was as smashed together and cumbersome as he’d been describing. “I think you’re right.”
Nick grabbed the wheel in an exaggerated way to tease her. “That feels like it’s painful for you to say. I’m right?”
“It is painful,” she agreed, cracking a smile and feeling her cheeks tighten under the pressure of tears. “But it’s true. This isn’t just about Ronnie. Or you. Or my family. It’s just all crashing in on me at once.”
“I’m not trying to be something that crashes in on you.”
“What are you trying to be?”
“The sexy stud who distracts you from the glob of pain you’re mushing together.”
“And that’s it?” She was desperate to not sound desperate. Or hopeful. Or leading in her questioning. But she knew she was.
“How about this,” he offered, biting at his cheek as he mulled it over. “Take me out of the blob.”
“Glob,” she corrected.
“Oh, right, of course. Please don’t miss a chance to correct me on something fake I made up.”
“Go on,” she said, waving to him like she was a queen giving permission for a subject to speak.
“Take me out of theglob. You have enough to deal with. So the twisty smooshed together feelings don’t have to involve me.”
“I don’t think that’s how the glob works. I don’t pick what’s in there. I don’t get to decide to just stop feeling something for you. Trust me. If it worked that way, I already would have.”
“I can’t tell if that’s an insult, but I’m going to let it slide. Listen, we’re just getting started. We’ve been thrown together on something kind of crazy, and it’s not like you had any better options. I’m not going anywhere right now. And we don’t have any clarity on what the future is going to be.”
“I think that’s the problem. I like clarity. And when I can’t get it, I usually prioritize it over whatever attraction I’m feeling. Moving on is not hard for me. But with you, it feels sticky. Like I’m not going to have an easy time like I usually do.”
“We have that in common right now.”
She wiped at a stray tear. “This is so ridiculous.”
“You need to deal with what’s right in front of you. We’ve got to do the work at hand, and I think you need to try to do something with your family. Get some closure or some healing. That’s what’s in front of you, and all you need to know is I’m behind you. I’ve got your back, no matter what. Anything else we can figure out later.”
“Okay,” she said, drawing in a deep centering breath. “One thing at a time, I guess. Let’s see what kind of shit show Clark is.”
“Then maybe you reach out to your brother.”
“I can deal with a lot of things in my life. I always have. But one thing that just cuts me down at the knees is rejection. It’s not the reaching out part that’s scary. It's if he doesn’t reach back.”
