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“You’re going to come with me to take a shower and then I’m going to bring you back down here…you will not run. You will not scream. Do you understand?”
She nods her head furiously and her eyes light up just a little. I grab her by the arm and start guiding her outside the cell. Her steps are small and hesitant. At first I think she is afraid but after watching her for a few moments I see her face contort in pain, and I quickly realize that she is far too weak to be walking.
“I’m going to carry you.” I tell her and slide my arms underneath her at the same time. She lets out as small gasp as I pick her up but doesn’t complain. I walk out into the hallway and she leans her head against my shoulder.
“Close your eyes, ”I whisper as we walk. I don’t need her to be looking around here. I’m already taking a huge fucking risk letting her out of her cell. She doesn’t need to see anybody or anything around here. Looking down at her I see she has followed my command and turned her face into my chest just like the last time I carried her.
I carry her all the way up to the third floor where some of us have small apartments. I briefly set her down on her feet so I can grab my keys from my pocket and unlock the door. I twist the knob, opening the door I gesture for her to walk in and she does, her eyes wide, her legs shaking as if she is unsure of what will happen next.
“You live here?” She asks, her eyes moving over the contents of the apartment. The place isn’t much just a one bedroom, with a small kitchen, and living room. It’s only me living here and I don’t need all that much. I watch her take a few more steps, her fingers gliding over the back of my leather couch. I wonder what she’s thinking? If she’ll try and run away from me? If she’ll take my kindness for weakness?
“Yes. This is what I call home, at least for right now.” I pocket my keys, and close the door behind us, locking the deadbolt into place. I don’t think she is in any shape to run off, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
She turns to face me and I can see she is nervous about being here. She is wringing her hands in front of her and I can see her swallowing repeatedly. The look in her eyes reminds me of that of a scared animal. I want to tell her she’s safe with me, that no one will ever hurt her again but then I’d be lying. Anyone could hurt her, including myself.
“Come on,” I reach out and offer her my hand. She looks down at it for a moment, as if she’s worried that taking it will harm her in some way, then as if she’s made up her mind she takes it.
I lead her into the bathroom, leaving her standing in front of the shower while I grab some towels. When I turn back around I see her swaying and leaning against the the wall for support.
She is so fucking weak, she can’t even stand up for five minutes on her own. Damnit, this is my fucking fault. All mine.
How the fuck is she going to take a shower?
She’s going to end up slipping and falling, probably breaking her damn neck in the process. I walk over to her and grab the hem of her shirt to pull it up and off of her but she stops me grabbing me by the wrist, a quiet yelp of fear or maybe even shock falling from her lips.
“What are you doing?” She tries to make her voice sound strong but she can’t fool me.
“I’m helping you. I’ve already seen you mostly naked, remember plus it’s not like you’re the first woman I’ve ever seen naked.” I pause briefly, realizing maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
“Look, you can’t even stand up straight, so I’m not going to let you take a shower by yourself just so you can fall and break your neck.”
She’s looks so timid and completely unsure about all of this but she lets go off my wrists and doesn’t make another move to stop me. Yet again, the way she blindly trusts me has my stomach in knots. She shouldn’t trust me, if she was smart she’d turn around and run out of this fucking room and back to her cell. She definitely wouldn’t find comfort in my touch, or presence that’s for sure.
Gripping the hem I pull the shirt up her body, and over her head and she lifts her arms a little bit so I can slip it off of her the rest of the way. I try not to let my gaze linger on her creamy white skin underneath and her small perky breast but I can’t help it. It’s been too fucking long since I took a woman, or at least that’s what I tell myself as I continue to take in her body.
