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I shake the thought away. If he didn’t care he wouldn’t have trusted me to have a cell phone, knowing I could call anyone. He wouldn’t have killed that horrible man, and he wouldn’t bring me up to his room every night, holding me close to his body, telling me everything was going to be okay.
It’s not that he doesn’t want me, it’s that he’s afraid to admit it. He’s afraid he’s not good enough, but he has no idea how good he truly is. At least in my eyes and I plan to show that to him, tonight. I know I don’t owe him anything for his kindness, but I do want to give him something, that he’ll always have as a reminder of me.
I sit in the cell alone, bored out of my mind, wondering if Ivan will take me up on my offer and what will happen if I actually do get out of this alive. Two days have passed since the checking and I’m now back in my cell for the first time again. Ivan was able to keep me in his room all day yesterday and it was pure bliss, even after the conversation we had. Thinking back on how he took care of me, making sure I was comfortable, and had everything I needed, how he even cooked for me.
It made coming back down here this morning dreadful. The last thing I want is to spend more time in this room even more so after everything that happened here but he did as he said he would and got me a phone. I keep it hidden in the sweatpants I’m wearing just as he instructed.
It feels heavy in my pocket, giving me a sense of security. If someone comes in here to hurt me I can call him. He set his number on up on speed dial and made me practice calling him, as if I didn’t know how to use a cell phone or something. If I need to I can have the phone unlocked and his number dialed blindly within three seconds while keeping it in my pocket.
The day seems to drag on as I wait for the last meal of the day to be brought. Thanks to the phone I actually know what time it is. I go into the corner of the bathroom where I know no one can see me and check the phone. It’s nearly six and Ivan said food is delivered around six which means I won’t have to wait much longer to see him.
I feel like a little kid waiting impatiently for a toy…the minutes tick by slowly when I’m away from him, but when I’m in his arms it seems like they won’t slow down. When I finally hear the food flap being opened and my tray being pushed through it, I almost tell the guy on the other side thank you. I take the tray and sit down on the mattress, chewing on the stale bread.
Besides what Ivan made me, I’ve only had less than appetizing sandwiches and I’m sure it’s starting to show. As soon as I get out of this place I’m going to have a nice juicy burger. I visualize myself eating the burger and take a sip of water to wash it down.
It doesn’t take long until the door opens once more and Ivan’s large frame appears in it. I jump up from the mattress and run straight into his arms. He hugs me briefly but then releases me, and I miss the warmth of his embrace with seconds.
“We can’t linger, just incase someone comes down here for whatever reason…now you know what to do, right?” He gives me a knowing look.
“Keep my eyes closed and my mouth shut,” I confirm. He nods and picks me up, throwing me over his right shoulder. I hold on to the back of his shirt as he hurries up the stairs taking them two at a time. I have no idea how he does this while carrying me on his back let alone, without breaking out into sweat, but somehow he does.
By the time we get to his place, I am dizzy from the fast movement while hanging upside down but I could care less about my journey up here all I care about is being here now… with him. Most of the marks on my back are nearly healed, the belt having not cut into my skin as badly as I thought which means I’m not as hurt as I expected myself to be.
I think back to my thoughts earlier, of how I planned to prove to him how deserving of me he really is. He denied me once before, but I won’t let him deny me this time. If this is the only piece of myself I can give him then I want him to have it.
