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“Great. I’ll pick you up at eight, from the cabin, yeah?”
I nod. “Okay.”
His smile should give me butterflies. Him relaxing and enjoying the countdown to our drink should make me happy. But it doesn’t. It’s my internal inferno of self-doubt that squashes any type of excitement.
In the safety of my car, I keep my phone in my lap in case Kristen needs to call, and drive out of the club.
It will be good for me to get out. It’s been so long since I let loose and had fun. Oh God, fun. It’s so far from my life, it’s not even in reach.
My phone ringing makes me jump and I quickly glance down to see the number of the prison. I answer, putting it on speaker and slow down until I’m pulling over on the side of the road.
“Hey, it’s a little early,” I say.
“I’m just checking in. I know you just dropped Ray off to Kristen. Just making sure she was all good?”
“She was fine. Happy to see her grandma as usual.”
“Now you’ve got the weekend to yourself, what do you plan on doing?” he asks and my stomach sinks.
He hasn’t said anything about us since he was arrested and now it’s like he knows but is playing me.
Deciding to be open with him, I say, “I’m actually going out for a drink tonight.”
“Oh yeah? Who with?”
“Shane… the prospect.”
Please ask me not to go. Please say it’s because you don’t want another man near me.
“So, it’s a date, not just a drink?”
“No! It’s a drink.”
I can hear my own doubt, so he’ll be sure to have heard it too.
“No?”
“No, it’s just a drink,” I repeat.
“Don’t be so fuckin’ naïve, Holly. A drink with a guy? It’s neverjusta drink.”
Now I’m pissed. How dare he?
“You think I don’t know that?” Deep down, I know that. “You can’t blame me for saying yes to someone who wants to be seen in public with me.”
“So you’re doing this because you’re lonely?”
“He’s the first guy who’s asked me out since… well, you know. For a fleeting moment, it felt nice.”
“You know where he’s gonna want you to put your hands. You ready for that?”
“Don’t be such a pig,” I spit. “I said yes to a drink, not going to his bed.”
“There you go being naïve again.”
“You know what, Leo, fuck you.”
Hanging up on him, I toss my phone on the back seat and let the tears free fall as I drive home. It rings, ends, rings again, all the way home. I know it’s him. I can’t speak to him right now. Inside the cabin, I pace the kitchen. Maybe I should’ve turned Shane down. Maybe I should just hide away at the cabin like I have been doing and let my life slip away from me until nothing is left.
