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“Sophie, this is not a good idea,” I say, even though I want nothing more than to touch her. Rejection paints her beautiful features. “I’m sorry, trust me…I want you.” I find myself clenching my fists, my nails digging into my palm to stop myself from reaching out to touch her.
“I want you so badly right now, it fucking hurts. Literally, my dick hurts.”
Sophie doesn’t say anything, she just remains standing there as if I’ve wounded her, and I know I have…but I just…I can’t do this with her right now. I’m much calmer now than earlier, but there’s no telling what could happen next.
“Today is not a good day for this…” I sigh, feeling angry with myself. For the first time since I started using, I regret taking the fucking pills. Against my better judgement, I take a step toward her. I want to comfort her, that’s all…
“Look, I took some drugs before the fight. It…they make me lose control of everything, my emotions, my temper. I’ve still got too much of that shit running through my system.” I grind my teeth together, feeling like absolute shit. I have this beautiful woman offering herself to me, and I can’t risk doing something that might hurt her.
And still, the fucking beast inside me, the pieces of me that care for her and want to cling to her, tell me to do it anyway, because deep down, I know I could never hurt her like that.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Sophie. You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met, and I can’t risk putting you in a situation where I might lose myself. If I hurt you like that, I’d…” I squeeze my eyes shut, regretting this whole fucking day ever happened. I feel the heat of her body as she takes a step closer, but I’m too much of a coward to open my eyes.
Then I feel her small hand cradling my cheek. The gesture makes me feel fragile—it makes me want to be the man she expects me to be. The one who kissed her in the dressing room and brought her out of that cell. Still, I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust I can do anything without hurting her.
“I trust you, Roman…” I feel her hard nipples pressing against my chest and I almost growl, my cock hardening to the point of pain. “I know you won’t hurt me.”
“Don’t say that…” I croak, my throat feeling as if I swallowed a bucket full of razor blades. “If I ever hurt you like that, it would kill me. You don’t understand how close to the edge I get. There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain, and I cross it…often. I don’t want you to endure that.”
Sophie looks up at me, her big blue eyes holding a naivety that calls to me. Determination fills her features, and I know the battle is already lost.
“Please…I want to feel something other than the memories of my past and the pain that comes with them. I know today was bad, and I might be stupid for saying this, but I still feel safer with you than anyone else. Nothing you did today could ever change that. You saved me from being sold, but you also saved me from myself. I’d given up and you saved me. You are the only one who makes me feel safe.”
Her admission cracks we wide open. Fucking Christ, she’s so beautiful, and pure, and perfect, and I really don’t fucking deserve her, but something’s changed between us. After tonight, after killing for her, after experiencing what it would feel like to have her taken from me, we can’t go back to whatever we were before. I want her too badly, and it’s obvious she wants me, or she wouldn’t be standing here almost naked.
I focus on my breathing, inhaling and exhaling, trying to cool my heated blood. It takes me another moment before I allow myself to touch her.
I need to make certain I can be gentle with her. She deserves gentle, slow, kind.
I raise my trembling hands and cradle her face just as she’s cradling mine. Her cheeks are warm, so incredibly soft against my palm.
My control vibrates as she pushes up onto her tiptoes and kisses my lips. Her lips are soft at first, as if she’s trying to gage my reaction. The kiss so gentle, it almost tickles.
I want her so badly, it hurts. How the hell I’m going to do this without hurting her, without ruining the moment?
“We need to go slow…” My chest rises and falls with each word.
“I don’t want slow,” she mumbles before pressing her lips hard against mine. Her kiss knocks the wind out of me, and when her tongue runs over my bottom lip, begging for entrance, I nearly die. I groan just from feeling of her hot tongue against my lips.
