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“That’s what they all say…I would know. I killed both, my step father, and biological father for hurting people I love.” I shake my head, feeling the tears sting my eyes. So much death, mayhem, chaos. I feel Hero’s eyes on mine, and when I gaze into them I see sympathy, and compassion swirling together.
He understands what Elyse and I have gone through, but so does Roman. Roman sees my fears, my sadness, my anger, he knows what it was like for me, and what happened was nothing more than an accident.
“Look at her one more fucking time and I’ll gouge your eyes out of your fucking head.” Roman’s voice is dark, and I don’t doubt one bit that he will follow through with his threat.
Hero laughs, “Right, because you’re such a big bad man now. Why don’t you step around the table and put your hands on someone your own size?”
And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Roman is rounding the table in a second flat, Ivan hot on his heels, pulling Roman backwards stopping him dead in his tracks. Roman just shrugs from his brother’s hold, landing a closed fist against his cheek.
“Enough.” Xander stands, oozing power and control. Clearly he had enough of the bullshit taking place in front of him. “Roman go calm the fuck down. Hero, sit down and shut the fuck up.” Hero eyes Roman one last time before listening to Xander and taking his seat.
Roman grits his teeth, slamming his fists onto the table once more before walking out of the room. I start to move toward him, when Ivan’s hand clamps down on my shoulder halting my movements.
“Maybe let him be alone for awhile? He’s kind of out of control. I don’t think he would hurt you, but he hasn’t been himself lately.” Red hot rage surges through my veins, and pulses in my ears. How could he be so rude? This was his fault…I shrug his hand off my shoulder.
“Your brother’s not abusive Ivan. I know abuse. I lived it, breathed, and watched it happen every single day of my life. Yes, he scared the hell out of me, but he’s never hit me or physically hurt me in other ways. He made a bad choice. There’s a difference, and I won’t let you make him think so badly of himself over it.”
Ivan doesn’t say anything, and even if he did I wouldn’t stand around and listen. My body is already moving, my feet running across the floor. I don’t care what anyone in that room thinks of him. The only thing that matters to me is him. I’ve seen him in his weakest, darkest moments. Even when he was high on those pills he was still worried about me, he still wanted me and cared for me. I run up the huge staircase and down the long hallway until I reach the door to our room. It’s partly ajar, and nervous anxiety washes over me as I push it open the rest of the way and walk inside. I don’t know what state I’ll find Roman in, but I know whatever it is, it’s one he’ll need me to get through.
Roman is heavy breaths and I shut the door letting it click closed behind me.
“You shouldn’t be in here right now. I’m not myself, and I don’t want to risk hurting you or doing something else.” I can hear the disgust in his voice. He hates himself for what he did that night and that’s what makes it so easy to forgive him. He isn’t like my father, he doesn’t enjoy hurting me, in fact I can see how it’s killing him right now, remembering what he’s done, it’s ripping him apart inside.
“You won’t hurt me. I’m not dumb. I trust you…I love you.” I walk over to the bed. He has his back to me, his head hanging low, his body still vibrating with anger. He whirls around on me, his hands gripping onto my upper arms. Even when he is trying to scare me, to push me away he is gentle.
Sadness swirls in his dark green eyes. “I don’t deserve you Sophie. That asshole is right. I fucking hurt you. I’m no better than your piece of shit dad. I’m no better than the man beating his wife or girlfriend.” He shakes his head, pain and fear flickering in his eyes.
“Shut up. You aren’t like my father and you know it. You saved me Roman. You took me in, instead of selling me, that already puts you above my father by a damn mile.”
Roman isn’t listening though, he doesn’t want to hear all the good things I have to say about him. Within seconds he releases me as if I’m fire in his hands. “Stop making excuses for me. I chose pills over you, over your fucking safety. I chose to ride a high instead of protect you, and I let the biggest monster of all get his hands on you…me.”
