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When she discovered last week that she had come home from Florida pregnant, she wanted to do nothing more than curl up in a ball and will it all away. Not the baby. But the last four years. And the way she felt about what she’d done.
She knew she had hurt Chad even though he tried to pretend she hadn’t. She could see it in his eyes in quiet moments when he let his guard down. When he forgot to keep his walls up.
And, topping it all off, she’d betrayed Kyle in the worst way possible. Jennie had wanted to have Kyle’s baby so desperately when he was alive. She had hoped for a baby with his sandy-blond hair and warm blue eyes.
She’d wanted a baby that had Kyle’s smile and the dimple that came out when he really grinned. When she knew he was smiling with all his heart.
She’d watched Kelly and Jack with Maddy. She’d held the baby often and saw how quickly she was growing and changing—all in such a short time. And seeing that was much harder than Jennie wanted to admit.
She needed to tell Chad about the baby, but how could she do that? Saying it out loud would make it real. If she said it out loud, she’d have to really face it. She didn’t even have the guts to tell Kelly yet.
Right now, Zeke was the only one who knew her secret. He spent every moment shadowing her as if he knew something had changed and she’d spent several hours crying with her head buried in his soft fur. She’d told him everything, and he was the only one who she could trust to listen without judgment.
Add in the fact that she was so exhausted she could barely function and she’d begun to cry at the drop of a hat, and Jennie was officially an absolute basket case. A basket case with a baby she wanted, yet didn’t want.
With a friend who would be a wonderful father to her baby. If only she wanted him to be. Which she didn’t. It was horrible to think that, but the truth was, she didn’t want Chad to be the baby’s father.
Jennie lost the fight with the tears in that moment and had to make a dash for the bathroom. How could she hurt Chad this way? What would she tell her parents? Kyle’s parents? How would she take care of a baby on her own when she was an emotional disaster?
This can’t be happening.
But Jennie knew it was happening. She just didn’t know what to do about it.
She splashed water on her face and took a few deep breaths. She should have called in today. Just like she should have called in sick yesterday and the day before. But, if she was home, she’d just cry again for hours on end. She needed to stop that.
She needed to find a way to just push through. To just keep going. She went back to her desk and tried to focus as if her world wasn’t falling down around her. Again.
Chad sat at his desk and looked out the window but his eyes weren’t seeing anything. As he had so many times in the past two months, he let his mind travel back to Florida, reliving every minute of his time with Jennie.
He tortured himself again and again, recalling the way she’d felt in his arms. How it felt to be able to reach over and hold her hand or pull her into his arms as they pretended to be newlyweds. How it felt to make her fall apart in his hands, with his mouth. And how it felt when he’d finally fulfilled a year of fantasies, sinking deep into Jennie’s sweet depths and making love to her.
He even relived the moment on the plane ride home when she’d looked at him with those beautiful, guileless eyes and told him she was sorry she couldn’t give him what he wanted.
He’d seen the regret in her eyes, had heard it in her voice. He knew she’d love him if she could. Or, at least, she’d try. She simply didn’t have her heart to give. It still belonged to Kyle.
He’d told her it was okay. That he'd always be there for her and love her as a friend, no matter what. And, he’d meant it. He would always be there for Jennie. But, he knew the price he was going to pay for that.
It was tearing him to pieces, seeing her day in and day out at work. Seeing her on the weekends when they got together with friends. Watching her hold Jack and Kelly’s baby girl. Fantasizing about a future they’d never have. About building a family with her. About things that would never come to be.
Chad spun in his chair and let his gaze fall on Jennie where she sat at her desk. She looked exhausted as he watched her in front of her computer and he wondered again if maybe she was sick. She hadn’t looked good the last few days, but she showed up at work every day anyway.
Chad had the strongest urge to walk over and pull her into his arms. To carry her home and tuck her into bed. To care for her.
Those thoughts were interrupted by his phone.
“Yeah,” Chad answered, pulling his eyes off Jennie.
“Chad, it’s Jack.”
He laughed. “You couldn’t walk down the hall to talk to me? You had to call me?”
“Wise ass. I’m not in the building. I’m on my way to meet with the investors for the Paulsen project again. They need a little hand holding.”
Chad grunted. He was glad Jack got to deal with the investors, not him. He didn’t have it in him to handle people the way Jack did.
“I’m just calling to let you know I heard from Jonathan Masters. The FBI did exactly what you predicted. They sent the Masters brothers back in to gather info. They said they’d only cut them a deal if they collected enough information to indict the rest of the officials in the money laundering scheme,” Jack said.
“Okay. Let’s hope that means Jennie doesn’t need to testify at all, or at least not for a long time,” Chad said.
