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“How long will we stay at the cabin?” Jennie asked.
“We have it the rest of the summer. If this isn’t resolved by then, we’ll switch locations.”
She looked at him for a long time. “Fine. But, if we change locations, I get a say in the next place. You can’t take over my life. If we do this, we’re doing it together from now on.” She tried to sound firm, even though she guessed he could see right through her to the shaky uncertainty she was swimming in.
Chad nodded and she wondered if he’d really let her have any say in where they went or how they hid or how long they stayed in hiding.
She watched him from the corner of her eye and could see the tension in his body. The pain in his eyes. God, how she hated what she was doing to him. How she was hurting him. And would continue to hurt him.
He was giving up his life, his job, his friends and family for her. And she hadn’t even told him about his baby.
She couldn’t stop the tears that came as everything she was feeling began to hit at once. They streamed down her face full force and much faster than she could get control over things.
She owed this man so much “I’m sorry, Chad. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about the baby. I only needed to be alone with it for a while longer. I just needed to think, without anyone knowing. It’s confusing, you know? And if I told anyone, it made it real. I just wasn’t ready for it to be real.”
Chad glanced at her. “Aw, Jen. Don’t cry, honey.” He reached over and threaded his fingers through her hair, brushing the tears from her face with his thumb.
Jennie waved off his concern and brushed away the tears with the backs of her hands. “Ignore this. I cry at the drop of a hat now. It’s the hormones. I cry over the printer being out of paper at work, and the birds chirping outside my window and waking me up too early, and the fact that I can’t drink coffee anymore.”
And how much I miss Kyle and want him here with me. How much I wish you could hold me but I can’t ask you to do that because it’s not fair to you. I cry over how much I’m hurting you.
She couldn’t say any of that to him. There was so much that couldn’t be said between them.
He was quiet for a while as the truck ate up the road and Jennie reigned in her tears. When he spoke, there was a steely resolve to his tone.
“I will be a part of the baby’s life, Jen. I know you wish it wasn’t mine, but I won’t walk away from my baby.”
Jennie closed her eyes and nodded. “I know.” She wouldn’t expect any less of him.
She didn’t know how they’d negotiate this one and what they’d work out, but she knew regardless of what they agreed on, there would be a lot of pain for both of them in the months to come.
Chapter 27
Being together at the cabin was much harder than sharing the villa at the resort. In the cabin, they were isolated with no one around to buffer their interactions. Jennie and Zeke slept in the only bedroom while Chad slept in the living area on a cot outside her door. The cramped kitchen and small bathroom made up the rest of the space.
They cooked meals together instead of going to restaurants. They washed and dried the dishes together and went to the grocery store. They did laundry and all of the other mundane domestic things that couples did.
When they first arrived, Chad saw that the light that usually surrounded Jennie had gone out. She wasn’t happy and laughing like she used to.
Oh, he had always known that there was some sadness in Jennie. But, despite the scars she carried, Jennie had been happy before all this. She’d been the one to joke around. She was a smart ass. She was bold and edgy and impertinent. She never showed him an ounce of respect on the outside as her boss, but he knew she respected him just the same.
It was hard to explain, but it was the way she was. The way they had been, until the Florida job.
Now, there was no lightheartedness in her. By giving in to his enormous need to be close to Jennie, he’d been the one to take all that from her. He should have talked to Jack as soon as he suspected the reason behind the Florida trip. He shouldn’t have let Jennie get on that plane with him.
He should have considered the consequences and said no when she asked him for one night. And, when he didn’t have the strength to say no, he should have made damn sure he had a condom on before he went anywhere near her.
Those few minutes in the shower when he’d slipped up and taken her without protection had cost Jennie so much. His lapse was costing her whatever bit of happiness she’d managed to find after Kyle’s death.
He was also concerned about her pregnancy.
On their first trip to the store, Chad bought a copy of thatWhat to Expectpregnancy book. He read to Jennie from it sometimes when they were sitting and watching television or rocking in the side-by-side rockers on the front porch.
He had to admit, that book turned him into the pregnancy police. He monitored Jennie’s intake of fruits and veggies, even though many days, it was all she could do to keep toast down. Jennie craved pastries so he bought her oranges.
“Where is the logic in that? What do oranges have to do with pastries?” she would ask him.
“Eat an orange and I’ll go get you pastries,” Chad would say to her some days.
