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I had a feeling there were a whole lot of them and that strap-on he wouldn’t let me get was just the tip of the iceberg. Thank goodness I had my very own money now and access to the Internet so I could buy whatever the hell I wanted when I got home and was by myself.
Maybe then he’d let me give it to him for his birthday or some other special occasion. Then again, maybe I was being stupid, and he was a giver and never a receiver, so that was why he reacted the way he had when I suggested it.
Apparently there was a freakish part I had hidden inside of me, and now she was ready to come out and play. I didn’t want to stuff her back in the box she’d always been locked away in.
I had a feeling if I couldn’t coax out this side of Finn that Romero or Rain would be hard at work striving toward it just for me. They were both proving very much that they’d do anything for me, and I freaking loved that I could now tell they both wanted to be with me. They might have wanted each other, but they wanted me too.
And now I had Finn wanting me as well.
I just might get the coven I always wanted after all. Who knew miracles really did exist?
Never in my wildest fucking dreams would I have ever expected for this to happen to me. I just hoped like hell I was special enough to keep it.
Finn led the way over to the riverbank. He sat the cooler down and spread out the blanket on the grass, smoothing out all the edges.
I sat down on the far corner of the blanket, as far away from the water as I could possibly get in the situation. It didn’t matter that the sun hadn’t set entirely yet, the water was already pitch black and full of my worst nightmares.
I couldn’t even fucking look at it without thinking there might be a panic attack coming on in my very near future.
Fuck me, but this wasn’t looking good for me. If I freaked out here in the park, there was a good chance he’d never want to go anywhere with me ever again. And, honestly, I wouldn’t even be able to blame him for it.
I was a serious fucking mess of a person, and I had no idea how to even go about getting myself to a place of healing. I wasn’t even really trying, I was just simply trying to move on with my life and forget the past, because I didn’t want it to exist at all in the first place.
Maybe I had no business being here with Finn in the first place when I couldn’t even handle being alone with my own thoughts. I supposed then the same could be said for me having no business being alone with Rain or Romero either. Too bad I wasn’t willing to give up a single one of them. If that made me selfish, then I guessed I was selfish, and I just needed to be okay with that.
Finn opened the picnic basket and started pulling out plastic containers of food. Just minutes ago, I’d been hangry, and now the thought of eating made me feel slightly ill.
We were far too close to the water for me to eat without puking. Then Finn would really know just how messed up I was. I couldn’t even pretend to be normal in this situation.
“I’ve got all the fixings for us to put together chicken tacos. That bossy dick Romero made me drive him to the grocery store yesterday like his personal fucking chauffeur, and he bought more food than just the two of us are likely going to be able to eat in the next three months. It’s nice, though, to have all that food at my fingertips. I love cooking, but I’ve never really had the opportunity to do it for anyone other than myself. I made brownies too, because he told me you’ve got a serious thing for chocolate.”
My eyes snapped to him, and all thoughts of the water fled from my mind. What in the holy hell was he talking about? Why would he go grocery shopping with Romero of all people? Since when were the two of them even on friendly terms?
I realized I really knew next to nothing about Finn, and I didn’t like that.
“Did you just say Romero?” I choked out the words.
Maybe I’d heard him wrong and he’d said a different name, but because Romero was never far from my mind, that was why I’d heard his name.
“Yeah. He forced me to move in with him. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t even mind anymore. I was pissed at first, but it’s a sweet gig. The place I was at before wasn’t very nice, and Romero’s house far from sucks. It’s also safe, doesn’t cost me a dime, and it’s nice not to be all alone even when my roommate is clearly a fucking whack job.”
Why the hell had nobody told me this? Did Rain know? He had no problems keeping secrets from everyone.
Finn handed me a bottle of water and a paper plate. He got busy removing the lids from the containers while I quickly unscrewed the cap from the water bottle. I chugged half of it in one go before screwing the cap back on and setting it to the side.
Holy freaking balls, Finn was now living with Romero. I thought I’d been shocked into silence once again, and here Finn was at fault for it. Rain would totally eat that shit up and get off on it.
At least it had gotten my mind off of the water, and I could now concentrate on how hungry I was and eating food was no longer going to be an issue.
Finn laid a napkin down beside my plate and placed a plastic fork on top of it. He popped the cooler open, pulled out a bottle of beer for himself, and handed over one of those mini bottles of wine to me.
He’d really put in the effort to make this night something sweet for us. I just wished he’d picked a different location. He’d know better after I womaned the fuck up and got real with him. Who knew when that day would come? But it sure wasn’t going to be today and in this place.
I picked up my plate and got busy making myself a taco. The tortilla shells and chicken were surprisingly warm, making me incredibly happy because I hadn’t been looking forward to eating cold chicken tacos. I piled on shredded lettuce, cheese, and salsa. There were several other toppings, but the shell had filled up rather quickly, and I’d already run out of space to add more. Bummer.
Finn was better about making his taco and somehow managed to make room for everything on both the shells on his plate. He rolled one up, picked it up, and took a huge bite out of it.
He looked happy, relaxed, and very carefree with his long legs kicked out in front of him and his legs crossed at the ankles.
