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Eli cleared her throat, and Sarah’s eyes shot straight into the light brown orbs in front of her. Heat tinged her cheeks as embarrassment caught up with her. They were both exhausted, Eli more so than Sarah, and she had to stop going down that rabbit hole.
Sarah’s breath hitched when Eli flipped her hand over, folding their fingers together and giving a tight squeeze. Sarah didn’t stop the tender touch. Instead she moved it to the skin at Eli’s palm, marveling at how her strong hands and arms could be so soft at the same time.
She was completely and utterly entranced, under a spell she was pretty sure Eli didn’t even know she’d cast. One week in, and she was lost to the wonder and curiosity that was Eli, the conundrum that was this woman who seemed so strong on the outside but so warm and gentle on the inside.
Leaning in, Sarah followed the pull of her body as she scooted even closer. Eli’s hand rested on her curled up leg, their hands still melded together. Perhaps a quick fling wouldn’t be the end of the world. Perhaps it would do her some good in the scheme of life, give her something happy to think about as she spent the next six months locked on a bus with her crew.
She let out a shuddering breath, about to test the waters, when Eli’s head jerked up with a start, her eyes wide, and Sarah was pretty sure riddled with fear, but she was so uncertain in her ability to read people. Eli stood up sharply, the distance between them a stark difference to what had been just moments before.
Sarah’s lips parted in surprise as Eli backed away from the couch and from her. “I’m…going to take a long nap. I’m beat.”
“Yeah.” The word left Sarah’s lips on a breath, her heart racing, just trying to keep up with everything in the moment.
“I’ll uh…see you later.” Eli turned on her toes and left the den.
Sarah didn’t have time for a response as she heard the basement door open and shut and Eli go downstairs until all was quiet. Sitting back on the couch, Sarah turned to stare out the bay window and gnawed on her lip. She had no idea what had just happened, but she was pretty sure it had all been her fault.
Her nerves worked into her stomach, twisting and tightening with every second she allowed them to take over. She’d thought she was reading the mood right, but perhaps she had been entirely wrong. Eli had gone from warm and open to closed off faster than Sarah could snap her fingers.
Confusion was the least of her concerns, though. Sarah was pretty sure she had offended Eli beyond repair with her unwanted advances, a moment she had behaved recklessly and thought only of herself, not of Eli. Berating herself silently, she wondered if she’d ever be able to make it up. When she got nowhere with that line of thought, she gave up and climbed the stairs to her own room, hiding until she thought it might be safe to come out again.
* * *
Eli knew she’d gone to bed abruptly, that she’d left Sarah confused about what had happened, but frankly, Eli was just as confused, if not more confused, than Sarah herself. She wasn’t quite sure, because they still hadn’t talked about it, which Eli was perfectly fine with. She’d gotten up and done her middle-of-the-night check and had promptly come back and fallen asleep, but waking up for her morning chores afforded her no more understanding or peace of mind than she’d had when she’d left the afternoon before.
Sarah had been scarce from the main areas of the house, not that Eli had lingered either. And as she had snuck around the kitchen for coffee and morning snacks, since she wasn’t about to cook a meal if neither of them were going to eat it, Eli hadn’t come to any further resolution.
She’d been pretty sure if she’d stayed where she was the day before, Sarah would have kissed her. Eli had panicked. Her heart had been in her throat, and every muscle in her body had been tense with fear and confusion. In that moment, she hadn’t been sure if she’d wanted to kiss Sarah or not.
Was she even attracted to Sarah or was it simply a fangirl crush?
Stumped, Eli moved to the bed of her truck and hooked up the water for her cattle. They heard her coming a mile away and all congregated around the trough. She patted Carmen’s head and scratched behind Buddy’s ears. Eli checked on the other cows while she filled the giant steel trough.
As soon as she had a moment to stand and wait, her thoughts went right back to Sarah. Whatever had happened between the two of them yesterday was something else. They’d only known each other a week, and yet it felt like so much longer. She’d learned more about Sarah and shared more about her life than she had with anyone in years. Probably because everyone in town already knew everything about her—well, almost everything.
She’d thought at one point Bridget could be that person. Sighing, Eli pulled herself up on the tailgate and sat to wait while the trough continued to fill. She and Bridget had been friends first, the only two who were semi-out in school growing up, more so Eli than Bridget. They’d gone away to college and come back like nothing had ever changed between them.
But whatever was with her and Sarah, it felt radically different. Whereas Eli always felt Bridget was there, no matter what, Sarah wouldn’t be, but the pull to her was stronger than anything she had ever felt. Eli stared up at the house as she sat on the back of the truck. She could, in theory, walk into that house and see if Sarah felt that same pull—if she wanted to.
After yesterday, she was pretty sure Sarah felt something, but she had no idea what that was. Swallowing hard, Eli got off her truck and stopped the flow of water. The cattle drank while she moved to the next trough in her lower fields. The question remained, did she even like Sarah?
Well, she liked her, but liked her beyond a guest, beyond a potential friendship they had tentatively begun to make, beyond her musical abilities? Eli flicked one of her braids over her shoulder as she hooked everything up to fill the empty tank.
On the one hand, Eli was curious as to what might happen if she were to take that risk with Sarah, and on the other hand, she knew exactly what would happen. They would hook up for the rest of the week Sarah was there, and then she would never see her again, and if it ended poorly, there was always the risk Sarah could ruinIndigoby giving it a bad word—though, after getting to know Sarah, she didn’t think that would be likely.
As much as Sadie Bade had been a mystery to her, Sarah was not. Eli clenched her jaw and shook her head. Could she do it? A week wasn’t long, and it would certainly satisfy her curiosity. They could have a quick fling perhaps, neither of them expecting it to last beyond Sarah’s initial time spent atIndigo.
Eli wasn’t sure she could do it. She really wasn’t built for quick relationships. That had been her doom in every relationship thus far, except with Bridget. She’d thought it was going to last longer, that it was going to have a potential for a future. Some of the women she’d been with had obviously thought the opposite. Bridget—well, she was Bridget.
Back in her truck, Eli drove toward the barn. Everything in her life was damn near perfect. She didn’t need someone in it to complete her. She had what she wanted—her farm, her cows, her businesses she ran on the side. She made her life what she wanted and what she needed. Eli didn’t need anything beyond what she already had, but that nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach told her she was still missing something.
It wasn’t that she had given up on love. Finding someone to share her life with just wasn’t a priority anymore, not like when she’d first moved back to town. That had been her first mistake with Bridget. They’d both brought so many expectations in to the relationship, there was no way it was going to succeed from the outset.
Relaxing in the seat of her ancient truck that probably shouldn’t even be running, Eli let out a long sigh. She wouldn’t do it. It wouldn’t be good for either of them, she was sure, but particularly her. She would fall too hard too fast, and she wouldn’t want to give Sarah up. But she’d have to. No, Eli would stick to her life, living it as she best knew how.
She could maintain distance. She could be the best hostess and still keep a wall up between them. She’d been short with Sarah the day before, and she’d have to apologize for that, but she wasn’t planning on explaining everything. As she got back to the barn, Eli parked the truck and headed inside. She’d promised Bill she would help him check out one of his calves. While there was a vet in town, he said he trusted her even though she didn’t have the degree. Eli had just rolled her eyes but had agreed to check his calf over.
She knew it was most likely a way to get her to the house so his wife could check in on her, and he could report back to her father everything she was up to. She’d have to watch out on that one—definitely the biggest disadvantage to living in the same small town she’d grown up in. There was no hiding anything, including the fact that Bridget was obviously not done with their relationship, as much as she had been.
