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Nodding, Azalea made eye contact with Jewel. “She got the job first, then me. It was fine. She taught math. I taught science. It wasn’t really where I wanted to end up, but I was there because of her.”
Jewel’s tongue dashed across her lips like she wanted to say something but held back. Azalea realized in that moment she was doing a piss-poor job of explaining.
“I’m telling you this because it’s relevant to us. I promise.”
“I trust you,” Jewel whispered. She reached out and took Azalea’s free hand, giving her a tender squeeze before keeping their hands pressed together.
“Right, so we moved to Hutch. We lived together, we worked together, and it was all fine until two years in and she wanted it to end. We’d been together five years at that point, since we were sophomores in college. Five years, and it was as if it meant nothing to her.”
“So you’ve spurned dating since?”
Azalea snorted. “No. I’ve dated since. Not a lot, nothing super serious. I think the most serious was a woman from Dodge. Brianna’s ex-wife, actually.”
“Oh! Oh…” Jewel’s brow furrowed. “Well, that got awkward quickly.”
“Not really. We only dated for six or so months after their divorce. It was clear I was a rebound relationship, which is fine. It was what it was, but the distance also didn’t help make it easier. We ended things amicably.” Azalea’s coffee was cooling.
They lapsed into silence, the wind rushing around them in the trees surrounding the property, but enough of a view to see the wheat fields in the horizon move with the breeze. Jewel squeezed Azalea’s fingers tightly. She’d almost forgotten they were holding hands.
“What was the point of that explanation?” Jewel’s voice was so curious and so quiet.
“We broke up. It wasn’t pretty. We spent a year teaching at the same school, and the drama that came from it was ten times what I could have ever imagined. Teachers pitted us against each other even more than we were before, they exacerbated the gossip, and she fed into all of it. I did, too.”
“You did?”
Azalea shrugged. “I was young, stupid, and really angry and hurt.”
“I can’t imagine you giving in to gossip.”
“You may not know me as well as you think.”
“I have no doubt of that.” Jewel flipped her hand so their fingers folded together. “But I would like to get to know you better.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. I started applying for new schools that year, and then I found the position out here, I leaped at the opportunity. This is always where I wanted to end up, somewhere like here, somewhere small, intimate, where I get to teach and not worry about bureaucracy as much. I mean, it’s always there, but out here, I get to know my students. I teach them for years before they graduate. I get to see them grow and hear about them even after they’re done with school.”
“Like Eli?”
“Yeah.” Azalea nodded, looking into those deep brown eyes. “Like Eli. She’s such a good person, so hopeful. I’m so glad she found someone who can love her.”
Lightning cracked through the sky, striking somewhere a mile or so off. Azalea turned her attention in that direction, waiting for the thunder to roll through the valley. It took nearly a minute for it to happen, so the lightning must not have been as close as she thought it was. Drawing in a deep breath, she smelled moist dirt. The rain coming. Maybe it wasn’t so far off.
“Lea?”
“Hmm?” She turned, facing her friend.
Jewel sighed. “You know that while I might listen to the gossip and sometimes participate in it, no matter what happened between us, I would protect you from that as best as I could.”
Azalea’s heart clenched. She wanted to believe her. She wanted to give in to the temptation that had been rolling around her body for the better part of their trip to Indigo, but everything in her brain told her to hold back, told her to stop, told her to wait, and to test the waters slowly. But every other part of her told her to dive in, go deep, and never look back.
Instead, she opted for honesty. “I want to believe you, but I’m not sure I can.”
Jewel sucked in a hiss. “After all this time…”
“Old habits are hard to break, J. It’s not that I don’t want to, please understand that.”
She nodded slowly, but the look of disbelief was still plastered across her features.
Azalea’s heart sank. How could she ever move forward with any relationship if all she did was compare them to her past? That had been part of what had kept her stuck for years, but she’d never had reason to try and get unstuck until very recently.
