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Giggling, Lila pushed up and pressed a hand to Ann’s chest as she held herself steady. “Sometimes you’re insatiable. Did you know that?”
Ann stiffened. Heidi accused her of the same thing often enough, but Lila’s tone was different. “Yeah, but you like it.”
“I do.” Lila moved onto her knees deftly, straddling Ann on the far side of the bed. “I really do.”
Bending down, Lila planted her mouth against Ann’s and trailed her fingertips gently over Ann’s chest so they barely touched anything through her clothes. Ann parted her lips, deepening the embrace as Lila rocked her hips on top of her. She loved how Lila could go from zero to ready at the snap of fingers. It made her feel so wanted, so desirable. Unlike with Heidi, where sex was always like pulling teeth and so normalized and routine that there was never any room to play or to try something new.
Ann reached for the edge of Lila’s shirt and dragged it over her head, dropping it somewhere she couldn’t see. As soon as she could access Lila’s breasts, she moved to cover them with her hands, squeezing, teasing, touching. Lila rocked her hips again before breaking the kiss and straightening her back to sit astride Ann.
“You’re such a boob woman sometimes.”
“You have nice tits, what can I say? I like them.”
Lila snorted as she reached behind her and flipped the clasp on her bra, dropping the offending item to the floor below. She leaned down and whispered in Ann’s ear, “I like yours, too.”
Ann flicked Lila’s nipple before surging forward and covering it with her mouth. Sliding the flat of her tongue along it before teasing it to a point. Lila moaned, her entire body tense and taut. It was perfect. Ann held on tight to Lila’s hips as she moved to her other breast.
“That feels so good,” Lila muttered. “But it’s your turn.”
Lila pushed Ann down onto the pillow and worked on Ann’s pants. Eventually Ann moved to help, wiggling around on the mattress so Lila could strip off her pants. Sitting up, Ann pulled off her shirt while Lila tugged off the rest of her clothes. Lila always preferred the quick method to getting undressed rather than the slow tedious way. Ann could take it either way. Sometimes clothes added a fun extra barrier to work through.
Once again flat on her back with Lila on top of her, Ann skated her fingers up Lila’s thighs as she raised an eyebrow, wondering just what Lila was going to do next. Bending down, Lila pressed kisses to Ann’s lips, her chin, her neck, her chest. She stopped every once in a while to swirl her tongue in odd and random directions.
Ann grinned as Lila moved lower, getting an idea of her own. Turning on her side, she effectively dumped Lila onto the mattress next to her. Ann sat up and spun her finger in a circle, indicating she wanted Lila to flip around. The echoing grin was all she needed to know she’d made the right decision.
Parting her legs as she lay on her side, Ann waited for Lila to get into the right position. She loved how adventuresome Lila was. The pairing of the two of them sexually was damn near perfect. It had been the right decision to open her relationship with Heidi to allow for this. It had calmed a storm that had raged for years, but it also allowed them each to explore—though Ann knew Heidi had done very little of that. She’d gone on a few dates here and there over the years, but Ann was pretty sure Heidi hadn’t done anything more.
A nip to her thigh reminded her to focus. Ann pushed thoughts of Heidi from her mind to focus on the beautiful woman in front of her. This was why she’d come here. For distraction, to get away, to refocus on what she needed to think about—how to find a better balance.
CHAPTER8
The house had seemed lonely,and Heidi would be the first to admit, she hated sleeping there by herself. It wasn’t that she was lonely, but that she was alone, and there was a distinct difference between the two. They’d agreed to an open relationship years ago. Heidi and Ann had spent so many months and even years in conversation about whether or not to open their partnership.
She knew it’d always been a possibility from the beginning, that Ann had tended in that direction and she wasn’t opposed to it. She wasn’t jealous or hurt by Ann wanting to spend time with another woman. She was hurt because she couldn’t figure out if Ann wanted to spend time with her.
Some days they seemed to do so well, and then there were weeks in between when neither seemed to ever be able to get it right. She had no doubt that Ann loved her. What she doubted was if Ann liked her.
Flicking on the television to add some noise to the house and distract her from the insane quiet that had fallen within its walls, Heidi made herself an easy dinner and sat on the couch. She knew she wasn’t the simplest person to live with let alone be in a relationship with. People had broken up with her before Ann, and it wasn’t because they’d fallen out of love with her. It was because her trauma and her closed-off attitude were too difficult for them to deal with.
To be fair, it was often too difficult forherto deal with, and she mostly ignored it. Heidi ate slowly, staring at the television but not really seeing what was on the screen. She was lost in her own thoughts, her own worries, her own trauma. She should have sex with Ann more often. She knew that. For the last fifteen years, she had wanted to push herself to say yes instead of no so often. But then that moment would come when she’d have to answer, and she’d respond before she could think about what she wanted to say.
Checking her phone, Heidi looked to see if Ann had texted to at least tell her they had arrived safely. But there was nothing. Heidi’s thumb hovered over the digital keys as she debated whether or not to say something. She didn’t want to seem clingy, as though she couldn’t handle a weekend without Ann, but she also wanted Ann to know that she cared.
Scoffing, Heidi dropped the phone. No decision would be right, even a non-decision in this case. She really wished she’d been afforded the opportunities Lila had, but therapy had been so different back when she was growing up. Even just those fifteen or twenty years between them made all the difference.
When she was a kid, no one talked about the creepy uncle who only came over for big family dinners. Now they were the talk of the town. She often wondered what it would have meant if she’d opened up and said something sooner, if she’d confessed it to someone before she was twelve and pregnant and had no choice but to tell.
Her heart thundered. Heidi’s cheeks heated. She closed her eyes, drawing in slow deep breaths. She had no idea how long she sat there, but when she looked up at the television, a new show was on and she felt much calmer than before. She really should not trigger herself into a flashback without Ann around.
Drawing her phone closer, Heidi sent the text to check in. Surely fifteen years together would earn her the expectation of some type of a response. It wasn’t more than five minutes before Ann answered with an apology and affirmation that they had arrived safe. A smile blossomed on Heidi’s lips unbidden. It felt so good to be acknowledged.
If Ann felt comfortable enough to leave for a weekend with her girlfriend, surely Heidi could do the same. She’d never taken Ann up on the opportunity to find herself another partner. She always struggled to keep up with Ann and never thought she could handle two, but maybe it wouldn’t be as hard as she thought. She didn’t want a long-term committed relationship like she had with Ann, just someone else who could be there for her. Maybe it would even give Ann a break from being the sole person Heidi relied on.
Picking her phone up again, Heidi didn’t hesitate this time as she dialed the newest addition to her contact list. This time she was calm as the phone rang. Lila would be the perfect person to talk to. They already had a connection, one that went deeper than simply being attracted to women. They were both survivors, and that meant something.
“Hey, I didn’t think I’d hear from you so soon.”
Heidi’s lips curled upward. “Thought I might surprise you with a call.”
