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“Ann.” Heidi turned on her. “If it wasn’t that bad, Lila wouldn’t have been in therapy for years to learn how to deal with it. She hasn’t told us everything.”
“How to the hell do I miss these logical points?” Ann ground her molars. “I wish I was better at picking up the small details like that.”
Heidi shrugged. “I don’t. Because it would mean that you had experienced similar trauma, most likely, and that would mean that you’d also have as much baggage in that area as the two of us. Consider it a blessing you don’t understand it. I know I don’t want you to understand it—not viscerally like I do.”
Ann’s lips parted in surprise. She’d never heard Heidi talk like that before, but the idea that she’d withheld sharing all her trauma and pain not only because it was difficult to talk about and she was protecting herself, but also because she was protecting Ann? That was nearly too much. Dropping a kiss onto the top of Heidi’s head, Ann breathed in her scent.
“How long do we give her?”
“It’s been nearly an hour, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Not much longer I should think.”
“All right. You still want her, right?” Ann asked bluntly, hoping Heidi understood her meaning. Then she rectified her comment, trying again so that she was being clear. “I mean, we’re not ditching her just because we’re finally starting to get into a good place.”
“No. I love her, Ann.”
“Good. I love her, too. I don’t want to lose her.”
“I don’t imagine she’ll want to move in with us and be a triad, however. The current arrangement we have may be all she wants and that’s sufficient.” Heidi trailed her fingers up Ann’s arm and back down. “Though I’m not opposed to either.”
“We have to make sure to take care of her, though.”
“Yes, absolutely.” Heidi kissed Ann’s jaw. “She’s so fragile, even if she doesn’t want to recognize it. We all are.”
Ann grunted, though she herself wasn’t sure if it was agreement or annoyance that Heidi was so accurate. Sometimes she hated that Heidi could do that.
“We should probably let her know that. I think she’s worried she won’t have a place with us when we go home.”
“You think?” Ann asked.
“I do.”
Ann clenched her jaw tightly, staring at the door. Lila had always been so strong, but to see her here in this state was something else. Her facade had cracked. Heidi was right about that. Worry twisted in her stomach, and she wanted to get up and go find out what was wrong.
“You’re glaring,” Heidi commented.
“What?”
Heidi chuckled lightly. “You’re glaring at the door. Just go already.”
“Are you coming?”
“In a bit. I don’t want her to be overwhelmed by the both of us.”
Standing up, Ann grabbed her clothes from the floor and put them back on. Heidi watched her from the bed the entire time. As Ann’s hand covered the doorknob, she looked over her shoulder at Heidi. She could do this. She could be there for Lila like Lila had been for her so many times lately.
As she stepped out into the hallway and took the few steps to Lila’s door, Ann’s stomach twisted even more sharply. She really felt as though something was wrong. Closing her fist, she knocked on the door four times and was met with silence. Ann looked back toward the bedroom she’d just come from, but the door was still shut. Leaning in, she pressed her ear to the wood and tried to listen for some kind of noise.
“Lila?” Ann asked as she knocked again. “I was wondering if you wanted to talk yet.”
Ann had to close her eyes to concentrate and listen, but she did hear faint noises inside.
“Lila, I’m going to come in, okay?”
With her fingers on the cold doorknob, Ann tried to turn it. It was locked. Panic swelled in her chest. She’d never been denied access to Lila in quite this way. It felt so foreign and as though something seriously was wrong. Knocking louder in case Lila had fallen asleep, desperation clawed at her.
