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“Heidi?” Lila’s sweet voice broke her thoughts.
Heidi twisted sharply on the couch to find Lila leaning over the back of it with a worried look on her face.
“You’re crying.”
“Am I?” Lifting her hands to her cheeks, she found they were wet. Surprised, Heidi brushed the tears away and wiped her nose before bringing her tea to her mouth again.
Lila moved slowly as she rounded the couch and sat next to Heidi on the cushion. “Everything all right?”
“Yes, it wasn’t bad memories per se, more thinking of how everything has changed.”
“I have those moments too sometimes.” Lila gave a wan smile. “Ann still sleeping?”
Heidi nodded. “She’s not a morning person.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Giving Lila an odd look, she nodded. “I suppose you wouldn’t. She never stayed the night, did she?”
“Never. Always home to you.”
Heidi hummed, losing herself in her thoughts again. It was the perfect segue into the conversation she wanted to have, and she would most certainly take it, but for now she was comfortable with the silence again. Lila shifted comfortably next to her so she leaned half on Heidi and half on the couch cushion. Heidi turned her head to rest it on the side of Lila’s and gave a contented sigh.
“I’d like that to change,” Heidi whispered.
“What to change?” Lila questioned, still not moving.
Heidi kissed Lila’s temple. “I want you to spend the night with her, and with me, if you’d like. Sometimes at your place, and perhaps even sometimes at ours.”
Lila stiffened.
“I want you to be comfortable with the both of us. No more secrets, no more hiding things, no more tiptoeing around. We’re all in this together.” Heidi tightened her grip around her tea, hoping Lila understood her meaning. They’d already broached the topic, several times, but she had a sense Lila didn’t fully believe the two of them. “Wewantyou.”
Lila shifted away, moving to the end of the couch and curling her legs under her as she grabbed the throw from the back to cover her. She sighed but made no move to say anything else. Heidi let the silence linger for as long as it needed. Silence was something she could handle. It wasn’t quiet, and it wasn’t without people. There was so much said with no words, and she lived for understanding those moments and what happened without speaking.
The snaps of the fire popping echoed between them. Heidi stayed still, waiting for Lila to speak and answer the unasked question.Was this what Lila wanted?It seemed everything was hanging on that one question, which no one seemed brave enough to ask. And even in that moment, recognizing it, Heidi wasn’t either.
With a deep breath, she settled her tea on the coffee table and took Lila’s hand in her own, threading their fingers together. How she could show Lila how much she was loved with such a simple move, she wasn’t sure, but Heidi figured she had to start somewhere.
When Lila squeezed back, a small flare of hope landed in Heidi’s chest. She could do this. They could do this. It would take a lot of work, but if there was one thing she knew, it was that she and Ann were not afraid to work until they made it. They were tenacious when it came to relationships.
Heidi had no idea if Lila was that sort, however. She was sure Lila had it in her if she wanted, but from what she knew of Lila, which was very little compared to what Ann knew, Lila avoided long term committed relationships. On the other hand, she had committed to both her and Ann without much hesitation, and Heidi wondered if Lila even recognized that as a sign of commitment.
“Where do you see yourself in ten years?” Heidi blurted out. It was a technique she used with some of her kids, the ones who were struggling to make it through the system and survive it. Perhaps Lila needed the same prodding.
“What?” Confused, Lila faced Heidi.
“Where do you see yourself in ten years?”
“I don’t know.” Lila blinked, still lost as to where Heidi was going with the conversation.
“Well, then tell me where you don’t see yourself. Will you still be at the hospital?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to be?”
“What’s with the twenty questions, Heidi?”
