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“There is no path to choose from, Bree. No path to walk along. My path was chosen long before you came along.”
Tears formed behind her eyes, and I knew I had struck some kind of nerve. I was confused though and hurt. How could I change something where I never had a choice? How the fuck did we even get to this subject. We were supposed to be having a simple dinner? Just like normal people did.
“I didn’t me—”
“No, you did. The Mafia will always run in your blood and I get that. I seriously fucking do. You’ve lost so much and dealt with so much pain, I knew it wouldn’t be easy to get over. Just know, the person who raised me from birth died at your hands and I had to learn to deal with my anger elsewhere….”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I barked drawing attention to us. I didn’t care though. I had no idea what she meant by that statement.
“You need to get over whatever is inside of you holding you back from moving on. I know you watched your mom die, but I watched you kill John. Looks like we aren’t far from one another, after all.”
Still reeling from her words, lost in my own mind, I didn’t even realize she had gotten up to leave. Where did she think she was going?
I gripped the table to the point of pain and pushed myself up, throwing a fifty down before I walked out in search of her.
As soon as I was out the door, I ran to her, grabbing her by the lapels of her coat. I turned her to face me. Her cheeks were streaked with fresh tears.
“You want to tell me what the fuck is going on because I’m confused here.” Frustrated with the whole situation, I started rubbing my palm against my head. I didn’t know how to talk about problems. I simply dealt with them in a different manner.
“There is nothing to talk about, Zerro. You are who you are, and I made a mistake thinking you had changed.”
“Changed? What the hell would make you think I had changed?” Had I really lost my touch? Had being out of the world I had grown up in pushed me to grow soft, and if so, was I hurting her more by dragging her down a confusing path.
“You…” She shoved against my chest with far more strength than I knew she had, “you’re just so dumb. You don’t even absorb anything…” Frustration laced her words, and I wasn’t sure if I should talk or not.
“I thought you changed for us. For some reason, I thought when all this was over, we would be able to be together. I thought maybe you would leave the Mafia.” She seemed surprised by her own confession, and my own heart started to beat out of control. I was shocked into silence.
“I—” What was I supposed to say to that? I couldn’t ever just walk away from the Mafia. This wasn’t a fucking career choice and the fact she made it seem like it made me angry.
“You think this is what I want? You think I want to be this person? You think I want to drag your feelings all over the place and kill people. Hell, I’m killing myself in the process, Bree…” I huffed the words out, every single word a lash meant to be against her skin. I wanted to hurt her, shake her to death. Make her realize I couldn’t choose between her and the Mafia.
“I thought—I mean—couldn’t we have—” Her words weren’t making sense.
“No, we couldn’t. There was no happy ever after for us, Bree. I planned on winning this war and where I went from there, I didn’t know.”
Her face grew red with every word I said, and I felt my chest cavity breaking in two. My heart was bleeding for her and for the future we may or may not have.
“I never asked for a happily ever after, Zerro.” She shoved against my chest getting in my face.
“I simply wanted to know what your intentions were. Why after everything had happened, you would want to stay doing this? This isn’t you.”
What she was saying was causing me to think. To think about things I couldn’t. This was the road I was meant to travel.
“It is me. This is me. The monster in the flesh before you. Right in sight.” I pushed her back until she was against a wall with nowhere to run. The man I used to be was right under the surface. The man who would have wiped the alley with her face. The man who would’ve fucked her and then threw her to his men. Was I still that man?
“This isn’t you.” She fought back. “This is the shell of a man who was used to existing simply because dealing with the pain of what happened had been too much. Think whatever you want, Alzerro King, but know you can’t hide who you really are. I’ve already had a taste of the man underneath, and I will do anything I can to never let him go.” Was she delirious? I had just told her the monster I was, and still, she stood before me as if she thought she could save me.
“There isn’t any saving me, Bree. There is no stopping whatever will happen from happening. I helped you through your loss because it was my fault It was my jo—”“
“Just shut up already.” She interrupted me stunning me into silence once more. I gritted my teeth so hard I was afraid my jaw would shatter.
“It’s my fault your mother’s dead. So why not hate me, too? Why not fucking ruin it all because you can’t move on.” She was seething, but the tears were there trailing down her cheek. I had caused this destruction. I knew I would break her, hurt her, and yet still, I tried. I tried to be so much more than what I was.
