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"He was a friend, of sorts." Luther leaned back and rested his weight on the palm of his hand. "When I was younger, I was small for my age." In spite of the regretful reminiscence in his eyes, he grinned. "I grew, eventually."
I nodded. He was taller than I was, so clearly he had caught up to his peers. I didn't want to appear interested, but I waved for him to go on.
"Anyway, Gallen teased me about my height. I came to his chest, more or less. He was unusually tall for our age, so the difference was…somewhat obvious." Luther shifted to his other palm. "At first I took his teasing with good humour. Then I began to tire of it. I tried to ignore him, but he knew how to say just the thing to piss me off."
He sighed softly. His eyes glazed at the memory. "I got tired of his shit. One day, I got angry. I picked him up and threw him into the river. He couldn't swim."
My mouth formed an O. "You fought back against a bully," I said. My eyes flicked toward Helene, but the woman wasn't looking in our direction. "I'm sure you tried to save him once you knew he couldn't save himself." I didn't know that at all, but I guessed it. Luther didn't seem the type to stand by and watch a man drown.
His tongue traced his lips. "I shouted for the city watch. I also can't swim. They arrived too late. I…told them he fell. No one else saw. I went home to my father and my father's wife and didn't say a single word until I met Helene."
I wanted to ask if the woman had bullied the story out of him. The words were on my lips, but I sucked them away. "And now you're telling me."
"I felt it important for me to tell you."
"Ah." He seemed so awkward, it was hard not to like him, in spite of everything. "Why?"
"So you understand you're not alone."
I frowned. "I've never killed anyone."
Yet.
"You have lost control." There he was again, stating the words as if he read my mind.
"In the past, yes," I spoke slowly.
"And it scared you."
"At the time."
"We all need to learn control. That is Helene's first and most important lesson."
"Even if she breaks me to teach it?" I asked bitterly.
"Don't let her break you," Luther said in a low, conspiratorial tone.
I gave him a surprised look, which faded a heartbeat later. "You mean do as she says so she doesn't have to punish me. Did she tell you to say that?"
"No, but it was another thing I learnt from her. She's not a bad person, she just…"
"Likes to get everything her way?"
"To achieve what must be done," Luther argued. "Because this is too important."
"What isthis?" I asked. For a moment it seemed I caught him by surprise and he might give me some answers.
Instead, he pressed his lips together to hold back the wrong words. "I told you, I don't know."
I shook my head. "I don't believe you."
"That much is clear." A smile graced the corners of his mouth. "You'll have to trust me a while longer."
I barked a laugh. "I don't trust you now."
He pressed a hand to his chest, over his heart. "You cut me to my very soul."
"You have a soul?" I countered.
