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It’s the first time I’ve ever battled myself over this. Therapists have tossed up whether I am and if it’s even a real thing. I came to accept my addiction a long time ago because if it wasn’t addiction that made me do all of those things, then am I really just a sick, vile minded person who should probably be locked up with all the other sex offenders in the world?
Not that I’ve done anything that wasn’t wanted by the other people I’ve been with. Even so, normal people aren’t consumed by sex like I am.
Strong hands grip my arms as I scream over and over, deep under the surface of the water. I don’t fight them as I’m pulled to the surface, and as I breach, water spittles from my mouth as I gasp for air.
“Fuck Rhee. What were you doing?”
Marcus sounds frantic, and his eyes are wild as he studies my face.
“I needed a moment.” I splutter, squeezing my eyes shut.
I just want to disappear.
“Under the water?” Marcus asks, and I nod.
Slowly, I pry my eyes open, and Marcus’ face comes into view. His face is contorted with confusion and pain as he studies me. It’s too much to witness, so I lower my eyes and whisper. “I’m fucked up.”
“Why would you say that?” Marcus asks, and when I keep my eyes cast low, he grips my chin and angles it up, so I have no choice but to look at him.
“This is not normal. My reaction to Garrett is not normal. Who does that? I’m a whore.”
“Don’t fucking say that! You’re not a whore!” Marcus brushes my dripping hair back off one side of my face. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect.”
“Perfectly fucked up.” I hiss, my self-loathing swinging at me again.
“Stop! Don’t you fucking talk that way.” Marcus hisses back at me, getting so close that our noses touch.
“Don’t you get it? This is what happens. I get an uncontrollable need to fuck, and that’s all I can think about. I nearly didn’t stop. I nearly forced myself onto him.”
“No, you didn’t.” Garrett’s voice comes from behind me, and he comes into view as he swims around us, where Marcus is treading water to keep us afloat.
I can’t speak. I feel so ashamed, my cheeks flaring in embarrassment.
Garrett reaches out, his hand flicking water up as he moves, and he cups my burning cheek. “I wanted you as much as you wanted me, baby. Now just isn’t the right time. Soon though. I promise.”
My lips tremble a little at the warm smile Garrett gives me. He has some sort of magic ability to make me feel calmer. I want to kiss him and show him I’m ok, but getting close to him while we are naked is a bad idea. So, I nod, our eyes locked and lingering for a minute before I turn away, cuddling into Marcus while I mentally talk Kitty down off the ledge. She’s not getting lucky tonight.
It takes me about ten more minutes to pull my shit together and resume my typical Rhys George fun mode. It’s forced in the beginning, but the guys have a way of making me forget about my worries with their silly banter and the stupid boy things they do to try and outdo each other.
It’s not until we are out of the water and getting dressed that I realise I wasn’t scared of what was lurking under the surface. I guess having Kitty in control gives me more balls or something.
“Can we talk about something, please?” Marcus’ tone is serious, and I instantly want to flee. Ugh, I hate talking about stuff. Tonight has already been a lot for me. I’m not sure how much more I can take.
“If it has to do with Ty, you’re wasting your breath,” Shaun says on my behalf, and I could just kiss him. Thank you, Casanova!
“I guess Ty is involved,” Marcus states as he tugs his t-shirt over his chest, “but this has to do with the rules of this relationship.”
“There are rules?” Simon asks, and Marcus glares.
“There has to be. This isn’t a typical situation. We are sharing Rhys, so we need to be clear on certain things, or this will never work. And I don’t know about you, but I really want this to work. I’m not giving her up again.”
My heart flutters at Marcus’ admission.
“I agree with Grady. We all need to be clear on the rules.” Garrett stands from the rock he’s perched on, already fully dressed.
“We have the satellite phone. Let’s give Ty a call and get the rules sorted, then.” Shaun holds up the phone that Lexi insisted we take on our night hike. “What do you think, Kitten?”
I shrug. I don’t fucking know if this is a good idea or not. Chances are it will end in a screaming match, but this is important to them, and I understand we need to be on the same page for certain things.
