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“I told you it didn’t make sense,” Drew said. “What makes it even worse is that it was the perfect time for her to settle down. I was finishing high school and heading off to college. Whywouldn’tI want her to finally settle down in a place she loved?”
London folded her arms across her chest and tipped her head to the side. “I only did one psych rotation, and it was very early in my residency, so you can take this with a grain of salt. Actually, it’s probably best that you take it with a grain of salt, because that psych rotation was the only time I doubted myself as a doctor.”
“But…” Drew asked, because thatbuthung in the air like the scent of microwave popcorn a half hour after it’s been popped.
“But is it possible you were upsetbecauseshe was finally settling down? Because after so much upheaval—after being uprooted time and time again—she finally chose to settle down just as you were leaving?”
Drew would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought the same.
He blew out a breath and shrugged. “Who knows? I’m too much of a coward to see a therapist because I’m afraid everything I’ve suspected about myself will turn out to be true. But it makes sense that I would resent that she decided to stay in Texas after moving so many times. The one thing Idoknow is that I allowed this aversion I have to the state to keep me away. I’d fly my mom and Elias up to New York, but I could have visited more.”
“So, what are you doing here now, Drew? You avoided coming here for so long, yet you’re working the account at County? You have partners in your firm who could have taken on this job, don’t you?”
Damn, she was quick. Then again, thiswasLondon Kelley, one of the smartest people he’d ever known.
“I’m here because I want to make sure County can provide the best care possible to the people who rely on it,” he said. “I guess you can say it has become my mission. One of the reasons I left my hedge fund was to focus on helping hospitals in rural areas and underserved communities operate at their best.
“Even though I could afford to send her anywhere in the world for treatment, my mom used the small hospital that served this area for her normal checkups. I mean, why wouldn’t she? It’s not as if you go see a specialist if there’s nothing wrong. But because of the type of cancer she had, the scan of her stomach lining required more sensitive equipment than what was available, and months went by before they diagnosed it. Who knows what could have happened if they’d discovered the cancer earlier?”
“I’m sorry, Drew, but if it was aggressive, it wouldn’t have made much difference,” London said.
“That’s what her doctors said, but I could have brought in specialists. I would have paid for—”
“An acute case of primary peritoneal cancer doesn’t care how much money you have in the bank. Telling yourself that you could have done something to prolong her life, when in actuality there was nothing that you could have done, is unnecessary torture.” She captured his hands again and gave them a firm squeeze. “Don’t do this to yourself. Your mother loved you. She was proud of you. And by all accounts, she was extremely happy with her life in this adorable little house, and adorable little town. Find the blessings in that, and throw the rest of that shit away.
“Just so you know, I’m mentally jotting this down so that I can repeat it to myself, because that was some grade A advice I just gave you.”
He laughed in spite of himself.
“Yes, it was.” He pressed a kiss to her lips. “And since you’re mentally jotting down good advice, add what I told you earlier about massages to that list.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine, I will. But not every week.”
“No, London. Every week. If not the massage, then find some way to decompress that’s just for you every single week. I think about how my mom was quick to grab Robitussin and ginger ale whenever Elias or I so much as sneezed, but when she was sick, she just pushed through it. Who knows how long she wrote off her pain as just a stomachache.”
London trailed her fingers along a green-and-white baby blanket. “You’re probably right. I see it at the hospital all the time. Women, in general, but mothers, in particular, focus so much on taking care of their family that they ignore their own health.”
“I’m sure it’s the same for hardworking pediatric surgeons.”
“You know, it’s not so much the massage, or the crocheting, or taking walks in the park next to the hospital that’s the problem,” London said. “It’s knowing that there are other things I should be doing. My Friday night get-togethers with Taylor and Samiah are supposed to be about takingmetime, but often I’m sitting there thinking of charts I should be working on, or my patients waiting for surgery, or the dozen other things that are more important than me sipping on a margarita and talking about Taylor’s latest antics.”
Drew walked up to her and cradled her face in his palms. “You can’t be everything to everybody, and you can’t do everything, London. And you cannotfeel guilty about taking time for yourself. If there is nothing else you take away from this weekend, let that be it. You deserve to have a life outside of that hospital, away from your responsibilities. Promise me you will take time for yourself. I learned the hard way that time is the most precious commodity on this earth, and once it’s gone, it’s gone.”
“I promise,” she whispered.
Drew kissed her again. Partly because kissing her was one of his favorite things to do, and partly because if his lips were pressed against hers, then the wordsI love youwere less likely to come out of his mouth.
He still wasn’t sure whether she was ready to hear those words from him just yet. And the last thing he wanted to do was mess this up.
He’d been patient all these years, what was a little bit longer?
29
London bobbed her head to the Backstreet Boys playing over the craft store’s sound system as her eyes roamed the display wall filled with glittery beads, metal charms, and fake gemstones. She could only hope she appeared calm and collected on the outside, because on the inside her nerves were a tangled mess. She didn’t have Koko and Miles as a buffer this time. There was nothing getting in the way of the all-important nude selfies talk.
“How about these?” Nina asked.
London peered over at the string of jade-colored stones her sister held up to her ears.
