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“I guess I shouldn’t have the gall to grieve when there are more important people than me grieving too.” There was no response, a silent agreement on his part. He began walking her back to her room, but she turned in his grasp. If she could get another look at Jack and that baby... The orderly’s grip tightened, and he asked someone over her shoulder for help. She didn’t like being held down. She twisted one way and then another, knowing what help meant and wanting no part of it. “Just tell me what you’ve done with my baby, and I’ll stop asking.” She grew hysterical, repeating the plea again until she felt the coolness of another needle and the world growing hazy.
Darkness became familiar once again.
She was learning to get acquainted as she fell into its pull.
22
Finn
I shut myself in this motel room forty-eight hours ago, and I have no intention of coming out. Not for food. Not for water. Not for sunlight. And certainly not for Billi. No matter how many times she bangs on the damn door and insists on being let inside.
Instead, I’ve pounded out a four-thousand-word article that spins a tale of a town still grieving the catastrophic loss of nine of its beloved citizens nearly thirty years ago. Nine citizens who didn’t deserve the fate they were dealt, especially the children. Nine citizens who had either emerged into this world only hours earlier or had assisted in those joyous births. Nine citizens who are missed to this day thanks to one very unfortunate accident that occurred so many years ago.
Though maybe it wasn’t.
Maybe it was an avoidable accident that was purposely covered up by the town leaders and hospital administration.
Maybe it had all the elements of sabotage, recklessness, and crime—including the crimes of murder and kidnapping.
Maybe it targeted its most helpless citizens as a form of retribution. Maybe everyone in power belonged in jail. Maybe the ones still alive should spend the rest of their lives paying restitution for what they did.
I wrote that article, and then I ripped it to shreds and flushed it down the toilet. I replaced it with a thousand-word, feel-good puff piece filled with first-hand memories and what-might-have-beens that would make even the strongest man cry. Before I could second-guess myself, I sent the article to Mr. Bing with a promise to send a follow-up article in two days, and I’ve been sitting here ever since, hating myself and wondering where to go next.
Billi continues to knock. The woman is nothing but persistent.
“Finn, I know you’re in there. Please open up, so I know you’re okay.” I hear the faint scrape of an ear on a door, the muted sound of breathing, the suspiciously absent sound of footsteps retreating. Billi isn’t going anywhere.
“What do you want?” I say, throwing open the door when I’ve finally had enough. Two days of a persistent banging can wear on a guy’s sanity, not to mention his emotions. The second I see her face, my anger fizzles, but even that makes me mad. My emotions are better handled when I’m pissed at the world, and Billi is throwing a kink in that plan.
“First off, I wanted you to open the dang door.” She barges into the room like it’s half hers, planting herself on the end of the bed and kicking off one flip flop and then the other. She pulls her legs up and sits crisscross, scooting to the middle of the mattress. “Second, I want you to stop being such a baby. Nothing goes away just because you ignore it. Didn’t you learn that in elementary school?”
“I’m not acting like a baby.” I pretend she didn’t say that last part because I suspect she’s right. “And you totally underestimate my ability to ignore things.”
“Uh…no, I don’t. You’ve been ignoring me for two days. But the joke’s on you because you’ve underestimated my ability to stick around. Now that I’m here, how about you let me help you out?”
Sitting there on that bed, I can think of about a hundred ways she could help me out right now. But none of them have a thing to do with Sally or my upside-down life. I sit down next to her and shoot my shot. There is literally nothing left for me to lose. I’m leaving tomorrow.
“What’d you have in mind?” I lean in so she can read exactly what’s on mine. Men are simple creatures, and when it comes to women, I’m no exception. Billi might be, though. The exception to my lifelong set of rigid rules.Keep it simple. Don’t get too attached. Commitment will get you committed. Four dates in is one date too many. There’s something about Billi that makes me consider throwing those rules to the wind. Our thighs bump, and I leave mine where it lands.
She visibly blanches, but then her chin comes up. “If you’re trying to change the subject, nice try. Now, are you going to let me help you see this thing through or not?”
Big words, but she hasn’t moved her leg either. “No idea what you’re implying. I just wondered how you wanted to help.”
She leans in closer like we’re playing a game of chicken. Truth or dare. Timer’s going. On your mark, get set. “So, if I do this…” Without taking her eyes off mine, she moves forward another inch. One slight movement from me, and our mouths would touch. “You would still claim to be completely clueless?”
It’s taking every muscle in me not to…go.
“I’m as lost as those people on that old space television show.”
“That right?” She doesn’t move. Her breath floats across my bottom lip, and I swallow.
“That’s right,” I say. My throat is tight, my neck strained, and there might have been a slight groan on the words, but I do not move. I never lose a game on purpose.
Billi’s blue eyes are ringed in gold, and there’s a tiny scar that runs beside her left eyebrow. Maybe it was pierced once, and she let the spot heal. I’ve never liked the idea of a woman with piercings, but right now, I like it so much that I find myself leaning in a bit more, very much on the verge of losing this interesting game. Just as my bottom lip touches her top one, Billi leans back with a sigh and stands up.
“Well, I guess I assumed the wrong thing. Sorry, dude. Hope I didn’t offend you too much.” She walks toward the door, easy as you please. But her face is a little red, and I think there’s a hint of a smile turning up one side of her mouth. It disappears before I can analyze it too much.
“Where are you going?”
