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But I know what it felt like to be wrapped up in Faye last night, the way it made me feel bigger than I’ve ever felt in my life. The way holding her against me made me feel like I had a true purpose for the first time in my life. And the way she looked in my eyes as she fell apart around me, with so much vulnerability, as if I could have scooped her up and put her back together with nothing more than my words, my kisses, my confessions.
If I have to spend the rest of my life being good enough to be the person who gets to hold her after she falls apart, I will do anything it takes. Anything. And I’ll have to pray it’s enough.
“Well,” I say with a heavy sigh. “I guess I better get my shit together and come up with a plan.”
He grins and laughs, but it doesn’t reach his glassy eyes.
“You should really think about this broadcasting thing. You have any background in it?” Rick shifts in the blink of an eye from the raw, broken ex-husband into the smooth agent. But there’s more to it. It’s an olive branch. I take a beat to consider what he’s asking.
“Not really, man,” I say, honestly, scrubbing a hand down my face as we move onto the putting green. “Not sure I have it in me to do hockey play-by-plays for the rest of my life. Now, if we were talking the Nevada City Ostrich Races, that’d be another story.”
He holds his laugh as I line up my putt. I swing, sending it toward the hole, and watch it sink into its target.
“Shit,” he says, laughing at my long putt. It must be at least fifteen feet out. He reaches his fist out and I meet it with mine. “You could tell me about some swampland in Florida right now and I’d listen.”
I laugh, and then I tell him about dragon boat races and competitive cornhole and speed Rubik’s cube competitions. Because if I can talk my way into being good enough for Faye, I’ll talk for as long as he’ll listen.
43
faye
I didn’t thinkI’d come back to a dark, empty hotel room. But here I am.
I check my phone again, and the last text that Zeke read went through almost two hours ago. I suppose it’s possible his phone died, or he’s having such a great time with Uncle Rick that he hasn’t checked his phone. But even rational thought doesn’t make my stomach settle after the day I had.
It started out fine enough, I suppose. A day of spa treatments in matching bridesmaid robes after a quick and relatively painless rehearsal. But of course my robe was too small and I kept flashing people inadvertently. When Edie asked if I would rather one of the spa robes, I demurred, and sucked it up because the last thing she needs, the day before her wedding, is to get sucked into my hurt feelings over something as stupid as a robe.
But then, Hadley brought up ‘that social post’ with a cringe pointed in my direction. Since I had no idea what she was talking about—but everyone else did—Gwen showed me the offending post. It was a series of photos from the quarry the night before, the third of which was a candid shot of me and Zeke, standing at the bar. I was sitting on the stool, he stood behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist and he looked at me as I laughed.
It was not a flattering photo. My chin had tripled, I looked wider than usual in Zeke’s jacket, and somehow the photo also got the unflattering spread of my thighs over the small seat. As I scrolled down into the comments, I saw that I was not the only one to notice those things.He’s with her? How much is she paying him to date her? This can’t be real—Zeke baby, I’ll give you what you really want!It was like all the horrible thoughts in my head were out there for the world to see.
“Who posted this?” I had asked. But I needn’t have. Liza posted it. I should’ve guessed.
“Oh, that’s such a sweet photo!” Edie had said, looking over my shoulder at it. I nearly threw Gwen’s phone back to her, but the rest of the day, my stomach was in knots.
As the day went on, it became clear that my treatments had been booked separate from the other girls’. We moved in groups of two, and I was the odd man out. At first it was fine, but then I missed lunch, and I missed cocktails, and somehow I ended up getting left behind at the spa when my treatments took longer.
Maybe I should have taken the time to relax, but it felt intentional. Probably because it was. And when I got back, all I wanted was to crash into Zeke and let him hold me for a little while. Or maybe a long while.
But that didn’t happen, because he’s not here. And he’s not answering my texts or my calls.
We’ve essentially shut down the resort for the wedding weekend and have free run of it, so he could be anywhere. I start with the restaurant bar and work my way down to the basement level where I hear the roar of chatter coming from the generically titled Nineteenth Hole Bar.
There he is, sitting at the bar next to Rick. Liza leans over him, her arm draped across his shoulders. It’s a scene I’ve seen dozens of times before: the sexy, leggy brunette hanging off Zeke. Once again, I’m struck by how “right” they look together. My stomach twists into a tight knot and I stand, frozen, for too long.
“Faye! There you are!” Gwen says, her shrill voice carrying over the volume of the bar. Zeke spins around, and the second his eyes meet mine, I know he knows I’ve seen him with Liza.
“Join us!” Edie says, sounding a little tipsy as Dar balances her on his lap.
“I’m tired,” I say, waving them off, feeling overwhelmed by the scene in front of me.
At Zeke’s ability to seamlessly fit into my world better than I ever could. So well, in fact, that nobody missed me.
I turn back toward the elevators, pressing the button over and over until the doors open. I thumb the button for the third floor, and lean back against the wall, letting my eyes shut as a tremor rolls through me.
“Faye,” Zeke says, stepping into the elevator and then pressing the button for the doors to close.
I press my lips into a small smile, but don’t meet his eyes. I’m not ready to see what they reveal. Is he drunk? Is he sober? Which is better?
