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faye
Three daysafter I return to Portland, I drive south to Corvallis. I spend the drive to campus thinking about why I’m doing this, questioning whether I’m running to something, or away from it. When I arrive on campus, and park among the red brick buildings and neat quads only just now in mid-October dripping in red and yellow, I know for certain that I’m running to something new. At least, in part.
I meet a tenured professor with a specialty in population dynamics and ecotoxicology. We end up having lunch and by the time we’re done eating, she asks me for my CV. Then, she introduces me to one of her fellows, who is looking for a roommate.
It feels too perfect. Too easy.
But it also feels good. I’m excited about it. I’m smiling as I drive back to Portland when Edie calls. And I tell her everything.
I tell Edie everything about the campus and the professor and the experimental forest southeast of town. Then I remember she’s still technically on her honeymoon and feel terrible, but she tells me that Dar is napping and asks more questions about the program.
“It all sounds great, Faye,” she says with a cautious edge.
“But…?”
“But… I have to ask: Is this because of Zeke? Or because of you?”
I sigh. It’s the question I’ve been asking myself ever since I called the admissions office and scheduled this tour.
“Both,” I say with another sigh, slowing down as I approach the outskirts of Portland rush-hour traffic.
“How so?”
“I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it’s good timing. I’ve been back for what? Three? Four days? And I can’t seem to go anywhere without thinking of him.”
Everything reminds me of him. I drive past Zach’s bar on Division, or the Rose Quarter where the arena is. Even New Seasons makes me think of him.
“Can I just say something?” Edie says, her voice timid.
“Yeah. Say it.”
“I don’t think he did anything with Liza.”
I’ve thought about that moment so many times. He was dressed and Liza wasn’t. He’s not a disloyal person, and Liza is a viper. But it’s not about his actions. It’s his words. Even if there was some truth to them.
“I know,” I say. She’s already told me as much.
“I really think she was just trying to make you miserable. She’s not… she’s not going to be a part of our lives anymore. That was the last straw.” Her voice sounds hollow but determined.
“I don’t want you to do that for me,” I say. Even though I feel nothing but relief at her statement.
“She’s been like this for so long. Just never to me. I always wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. For Dar’s sake. But he’s had it with her too. We’re both Team Faye, and she brings too much negative energy. We don’t have room in our lives for that.”
I don’t know what to say. So, I nod. And somehow, I think she knows.
“So, have you talked to Zeke?”
“No,” I say. “Not really. I mean, he’s texted every day since his surgery. Letting me know how PT is going and whatnot.”
“Do you text back?”
“A little.”
“Emojis only?” I can hear the smirk in her question.
“I don’t know what else to say.” I swallow around something hard. “I don’t think I’m mad at him. I mean, not like I think I should be. But it hurts, you know? It’s everything I’ve ever been afraid of. That he would choose to be with someone like her instead of me. And it just makes everything so clear.”
“It makes what clear?”
