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“Doesn’t really matter what I want if it’s not what she wants,” I say with a shrug.
“Show her whatyouwant. Once she knows, she will not be able to resist.”
“She’s not that kind of girl,” I say.
His grin grows sharper, as if he’s just caught me. “They’re all that kind of girl,” Pasha says with a wizened nod. My jaw tics as I unlock the truck and grab my huge stainless steel water bottle.
“She’s different. She’s smart. As in medical-school-smart. As in Stanford-undergrad-and-boarding-school-in-Vermont smart. She’s two years older than me and has this incredible group of friends and a wealthy East Coast family. Even if I wanted to cross that line… it’s a non-starter. She’s out of my league.”
“Who is out of your league?”
“She—”
He presses a finger to my lips and I smack his hand away as he boops my nose.
“Nobody is out of your league, Coop.” Pasha holds his water bottle and stares at me. “You’re scared.”
“I’m not scared. I just know when the odds are against me.”
“No, you’re scared and you’re shitting the bed like a little baby goat instead of giving it a try. You are an impressive person. Look what you do on the ice. You are young and sexy and you possess the Mini Cooper. You don’t have to go to Stanford to be impressive. And an older woman? Rawr!” He claws at the air and I lose it. He laughs as well and I take another long swig of my water as the first drops of rain patter against the truck.
“Look, I hear you. I know I’m not a total dud. But I have to work so much harder to keep up with this girl than any other girl I’ve ever talked to.”
“Ah, she’s a challenge.”
“Nah, it’s more than that. She’s interesting. I like talking to her. But I can’t just talk hockey or flirt my way through it. She’s not impressed by the hockey thing.”
“Well then fuck her, Coop.”
“Don’t say that.”
“If she doesn’t value the work you do—”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what?”
“It doesn’t intimidate her. Like, she appreciates that I work hard, but it’s not making her drop her panties.”
“I love when that happens,” Pasha says with a grin.
“And I know what I bring to the table. Yeah, I’m making money now. But how long am I going to be in the league? I mean, I thought Freddy would outlast me for sure. Now? I’m the most vulnerable player on the team.”
“All we can do is take care of our bodies and—”
“Trust in the work. Yeah, I know,” I say, repeating our trainer’s mantra. “But if I get my head kicked in tomorrow, then what? What do I have to offer?”
Pasha considers me as he changes out of his tech shirt and into a sweatshirt. I do the same as the rain picks up. We duck out of the rain and buckle up.
“Hockey or not, we could all be dead tomorrow.”
“That’s not really what I meant,” I say, letting my head fall back against the headrest. “I don’t have a plan B. You know? If something happens and I’m done, then what? I have nothing to offer.”
“Fuck plan B.”
“That’s easy for you to say.” I nod at him. He’s fifth in the league in assists, and last year he made the all-star team.
“Skin of an un-killed bear, my man,” Pasha says with the air of a shaman. I just stare.
