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“I’m sorry that happened to you.” The way she says it is too forgiving. She doesn’t get it. It didn’t happen to me. I did this to Deanna.
I stare up at her until I can’t bear the distance. I pull her into my lap, her knees falling on either side of my thighs, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight and close.
“They said everything looks good. The baby is healthy,” Megan says into my temple. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I want to be there for you, every step of the way,” I say. “And be whatever it is you’ll let me be.” I don’t know why the words leave my mouth. I hadn’t planned to say them. They surprise me so much that I pull back and look at her, to make sure I didn’t imagine them.
The surprise and confusion in her expression confirms that I did, in fact, say them.
“Derek,” she starts, but I suddenly feel the urgent need to persuade her.
It’s a good idea. I know it is. It would solve everything that I can solve. I could be there for her, and we could see if this can go somewhere. I’ve been unable to stop thinking about her since I first had her. I know I won’t be able to get enough if I only get to see her as the woman carrying my baby. It won’t be enough, will never be enough. I can’t put it to words, but I know I need to convince her to give me the chance to be that man for her.
“I know you’re in shock—I am too—” she says, curling her fingers around my wrist, then holding my hand and lowering it to her chest. “But there’s nothing that says we have to be together to have a baby.”
“I wanted to give this a try before we knew you were pregnant,” I say. “I thought we were on the same page.” If I can just convince her of this, if I can control this situation, maybe it will all be okay this time.
“I know you said that,” she says softly.
“I thought you agreed?”
“I did…” she says, her eyes going hazy. “I remember. But I also remember both of us wanting each other.”
“I still want you.” I press my forehead to hers.
She sighs, a slight tremble in her breath that goes straight to my dick. “I had a single mom,” she says. “And I saw…” She stops as if searching for the words and then deciding against all of them. “I don’t want to be with someone because they feel obligated.”
“I don’t feel obligated,” I say quickly.
She arches an eyebrow.
“Okay, yes. There is a sense of obligation. That’s one thing we’re talking about. But that’s not about… Megan, will you just give me this? Please? Give me the chance? I’m not asking for forever. Just… for now.”
“But don’t you see? That scares me. This baby is so much. And now I’m in your space and you’re telling me you want me to be with you, just for now? I don’t think I can do that.”
“Then don’t. Just be with me. We could date? Or hang out? Or… I don’t know.” I look around the sparsely decorated loft. “I could buy a dresser? You could stay here sometimes?”
She laughs. Loud.
“What? Is that really so funny? I could stay at your place?”
“Derek.” She leans in and kisses my forehead, which makes me scream inside. “You don’t have to stay at my place.”
“I just want to try this,” I whisper. “We’re so good together. I’m not in the habit of groveling for a woman…”
She inhales as if I’ve said something that surprises her.
“Just let me be there for you.”
She sighs and pulls me into her, folding me into a hug. I bury my face in the crook of her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. I feel it in her body language, the tension, the refusal. But then she pulls away and leans down until I’m forced to meet her gaze.
“Okay.”
“Really?”
She shrugs. “We can try it. It wouldn’t be the worst to have someone willing to pick up saltines or weird food cravings. If I ever start craving food ever again.”
“I can do that,” I say with a grin.
