AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Can I?”
“Sure,” I say. I watch her reach for the spot on my belly and gently put her palm against it.
She stares at it, hard, and then looks up at me. “Is he—” Then he kicks. “Future football kicker!” she squeals and grins. “Do it again, buddy!”
“You think he’s a boy?”
“Yeah, of course. Doesn’t everyone?”
“Just Midge.”
“I love her,” she says, her eyes wide and earnest. The baby kicks again and she coos at my belly. “You love her too, I know. You’ve got good taste.”
I watch my best friend continue to talk to my belly and realize how much I needed this. How much I needed someone else to treat this baby like a real person. Like something that is really happening.
The thought floors me, and I swallow hard, casting a glance at the stroller. This baby is real. This baby is coming. My room may be small and crowded, but it will hold all the things I need. Derek’s loft is huge and roomy and empty. He hasn’t done anything to make it feel like a home. Almost as if he’s neglected it on purpose. Like he doesn’t believe this is really going to happen.
I’ve been patient. I’ve been understanding and empathetic. But I’m not ready. And right now, with baby gear in boxes and Derek getting drunk in a bar, it seems like a good time to unpack some of this stuff.
“It’s a good idea,” I say, swallowing around a lump of disappointment that feels an awful lot like truth.
“What is?” she asks, not looking away from my belly, waiting for another kick.
“Let’s get the stroller out of the box. It’ll fit in the room better that way.”
“You don’t think Derek will want to keep it at his place? Does he have room?”
Not that there’s no room. He has nothing but room. He’s just never offered to make room for me. He doesn’t even own a dresser. He has a bed and a sofa and a television with a stand. There’s plenty of room there for a stroller. And yet, my stomach squeezes as I wonder whether there’s room for a baby.
“I don’t live with Derek,” I say, simply.
Her gaze flickers to mine. She nods, slow and resolute, and rises, focused on the box. But before she opens it, she wraps her arms around me, giving me a tight squeeze.
“You’re going to be amazing,” she says.
I smile and nod but can’t bring myself to say anything more. She starts unpacking the stroller and I realize it’s time to face reality. This baby is coming, and one of us should be prepared.
CHAPTER36
DEREK
NOVEMBER
The coffee shopnext to campus smells like cinnamon and artificial pumpkin flavoring. But it’s the closest shop to my office and so I forgive the sin of trying to turn coffee into pie.
It’s one of those perfect fall days before the rain has moved in. The Halloween decor in shop windows has been transferred over to turkeys and variations on the wordthankful. The trees burst with reds and yellows, students are wrapped in puffy vests and lightweight beanies, their boots pad along the sidewalks through a battlefield of brittle leaves and rogue candy wrappers.
And I’m in a coffee shop, ordering a large triple Americano because this week doesn’t seem to want to end.
It’s been a shit couple of weeks, tiptoeing around campus as an investigator from nationals has been sniffing around, questioning me and the athletic director. My coaching staff is aware, as are my players, but I’m not supposed to share any information with them.
On top of that, I keep letting Megan down. First, I forgot about her baby shower. I should have been there, at the very least to drop in and sayhiandthanksto her girlfriends. Freddy told me that they basically gifted her an entire year’s worth of baby clothes and that Megan is running out of space in her tiny bedroom for the baby stuff.
Not that she’s told me any of that. Of course, I’m the asshat who didn’t show up for the baby shower. And I’m the asshat who hasn’t seen her since the baby shower.
It’s not that I’m trying to avoid her. I just don’t know what to say. This investigation is rattling all of my nerves, and every single part of me knows I need to tell her about it. I need to tell her about what they’re investigating, and the reason I’m anxious. That even though I didn’t break any rules, over the past few years, I’ve regularly used escort services.
I should explain that I was so afraid of getting into a relationship and letting someone down because I was terrified of trying to have children. That I never wanted to put anyone through the same shit I put Deanna through. That I started having sex with the same escorts on a regular basis. Always with condoms and getting tested regularly.
