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“I’ve already told you how awful that house was. The terrible things that went on there every day. Do you really need me to dig up every small detail and share it with you?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I know what happened to you in that home. How it changed you. Damaged you. I don’t need all the awful details, unless it would help you to share them. But I guess what concerns me is that you told me accidentally. Only because you were angry that I’d spoken to Ellie. So angry that you forgot to protect yourself.”
“I intended to tell you,” he muttered.
“When, Brody?”
She leaned toward them, and he finally saw emotion in her expression. Anger. Not what he’d wanted to see.
“When were you going to tell me? The day we got married? The day we had our first child together? When were you going to explain your past and tell me how you became the man you are today?”
“I have no idea, Lainey!” Jumping out of the chair, Brody began to pace the room. She was pushing too hard. Asking too much.
When he reached the fireplace, he stopped. Stared at the cold hearth. Was she? Or was she pushing because she cared about him? Loved him.
Time to take a chance.
Taking a deep breath, he said, “I was ashamed of what happened to me. My mother abandoned me. I thought it was because she didn’t want anything to do with me. Didn’t want me. And it turns out I was right about that. I thought if you knew how unlovable I was, you’d have second thoughts. You’d wonder how long it would be before my true self appeared.”
Lainey leaped out of her chair and rushed to him. Put her hands on his shoulders and stared into his eyes. “Brody, how could you think I’d react that way? You were eleven years old, for God’s sake. You were a child. Eleven-year-olds aren’t evil. They’re not unlovable. The failure was in your mother. Not you. Your mother was damaged. Not you. And no reasonable person would ever think it was your fault your mother abandoned you.”
“I wasn’t sure I could ever have a meaningful relationship with anyone,” he muttered.
Straightening her back, Lainey’s hands fell away from him. He missed her touch immediately. Needed to get it back. But she stepped away and narrowed her gaze. “I call bullshit on that, Brody. You had a relationship with your father, didn’t you? And with Rose. You went to visit her when we were in Bozeman. You wouldn’t have done that if she was simply your case worker from DCFS. You have a relationship with her.
“And what about Brett and Vi and the hands? The six of you are a family. Anyone with a pair of eyes can see that. It’s obvious when you’re all together.”
Brody rubbed his hands across his face, his five-o’clock shadow rasping against his fingers. “I was scared, Lainey,” he said quietly. “When you meet the woman who’s the one, you want to show her your best side. You want to hide the ugliness, because she’s perfect and you don’t want to scare her away.”
Lainey’s eyes closed. When she opened them, he saw only tenderness in her expression. “I’m far from perfect, Brody. I told you all my faults in excruciating, painful detail. My marriage was a failure, and it was as much my fault as Ron’s.”
He was already shaking his head before Lainey finished speaking. “That’s not true, Lainey. The only failure in your marriage was not ending it earlier.” He scoured his hands over his face again. “We’ve made such a mess of this, Lainey.” His hands dropped away as he stared at her. “Me more than you, but you went behind my back to DCFS. Even when I specifically asked you not to do that.”
“You’re right,” she said. “I did. Even though I didn’t think of it as breaking my promise. And I’m so sorry I did that. Can you forgive me for that betrayal?”
Instead of answering, Brody asked, “Can you forgive me for hiding myself from you? For not letting you know who I really am?”
They stared at each other for a long moment. Finally Lainey sighed. “How did we manage to screw this up so much?”
“We’re human,” Brody said softly. “Neither of us is perfect. We’ll have plenty of fights in the future, if you even want a future with me. But I don’t know how to fix this.” He swallowed. “Can we go to couples therapy? Find someone to help us fix this?”
“You’d do that for me?” Lainey asked, her expression shocked.
“Of course I would,” he said immediately. “I’d do whatever it took to put us back together.”
“So you want us to be together?” she asked softly.
“Of course I do, Lainey.” He swallowed. “I love you. I haven’t pushed for anything, haven’t talked about the future, because I thought it was too early. Ron just died. You moved here because you were in danger at your own house. Then we found Phoebe, and she became part of the equation.
“But I want forever with you, Lainey. You and Phoebe. I’d ask you to marry me today if I thought you’d say yes.” He smiled, feeling lighter. “If I wasn’t afraid it would send you running.”
“It wouldn’t have sent me running, Brody,” she said, taking a step toward him.
“No?” His heart lighter than it had been in a long time, he said, “I want to marry you, Lainey. I’ve wanted that for a long time. Even when you were married, I dreamt about you being free. I knew things with Ron weren’t good. I hoped you’d do exactly what you’d started -- divorce him. Then I planned on giving you plenty of room to recover from your failed marriage.” He smiled. “Well, maybe not a lot of room. When the time was right, I’d ask you on a date. Try to build a relationship with you.”
“You had it all figured out, didn’t you?” Lainey said softly. She stepped closer. “How can I resist you when you’ve wanted me for so long?” She took a deep breath. “And I’ve wanted you for just as long, Brody.”
“You have?” he breathed.
