AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter 34
Her eyes bleary, her head pounding, Julia dragged herself out of bed the next morning. Stumbled into the kitchen and fumbled with the coffee maker. She’d slept fitfully, tortured by dreams of what she couldn’t have. She and Nico, together. Coming home to him every night. Spending her days off with him.
Everything she knew wasn’t possible.
Leaning against the counter as she waited for the coffee to steep, she tried to shove Nico out of her mind. Focus on what she’d do today. By herself.
When the coffee was finally ready, she pushed away and reached for a mug. Stared at it for a long moment, then slid it back into the cabinet. Hid it behind all the other mugs. She wasn’t going to use the mug Nico had used. At least not yet.
Maybe when the memories were less sharp. Less painful.
Pouring the dark, bitter brew into a bland, no-memories mug, she splashed in a dollop of milk and dropped into a chair. She needed a plan for today. Something to get her out of the house.
Sliding her phone from her pocket, she pulled up the website for Lake Washington. Scrolled until she found the kayak rental information.
All the single kayaks had been reserved for today. Only double kayaks were available.
The irony too painful to bear, she turned her phone upside down on the table and rubbed her forehead. No kayaking today. Just as well. After the night she’d had, she’d probably flip it and not be able to right it. Drown in Lake Washington. Become the laughingstock of Seattle. The idiot woman who went kayaking without being able to flip the thing over.
If Madeline’s was open today, she’d go into the restaurant. Help Delia. Make sure the new hostess was handling her job.
Julia snorted as she finished her coffee and shoved away from the table. Delia would herd her out the door. Tell her not to come back until Wednesday.
Julia tilted her head back and sighed. The last thing she wanted to see was the pity in Delia’s eyes. Especially after seeing Nico last night.
Julia trudged to her bedroom and threw on a pair of jeans, socks and hiking boots. A long-sleeved shirt. She grabbed her hat and her binoculars, filled a Hydro Flask with water and tossed some granola bars into her backpack and slammed out of the house. By God, she wasn’t going to sit around feeling sorry for herself. She’d do something. Have fun until she showed up at the homeless shelter at 3 to start cooking.
She ended up at Bridle Trails State Park. Half-way through the last trail, thinking about Nico, she tripped over an exposed tree root. Skinned her palms and bruised her knees. Damn it, she was smarter than this. She knew to pay attention while she was hiking.
Pissed off at herself, she brushed dirt off her hands and knees, then leaned against a tree. Took a deep breath. “I’m better than this,” she muttered. “Stronger.” She closed her eyes. Swallowed. “I’m so lonely,” she whispered.
She shoved away from the tree. Continued hiking toward the end of the trail and the equestrian center. “Lonely’s okay. I’m strong enough to deal with this. People can survive loneliness. It’s not a death sentence.”
As she stood at the fence in the equestrian area and watched people training their horses, she ate a granola band and finished her last bottle of water. Finally glanced at her phone. Two-thirty PM. Thank God. She could go to the homeless shelter and start cooking.
Once there, she forced herself to smile at the people who ran the shelter and the other cooks who’d showed up. Made conversation with the woman and man working on either side of her, but had no recollection of what’s she’d said.
Finally, the pans of lasagna were finished, along with garlic bread and a tossed salad. She took her place in the serving line, smiling at the people who’d become familiar over the past month. Chatting with some of them. Honoring others’ need for silence.
When they’d served the last of their guests, she untied her apron and tossed it into the laundry. Normally she stayed to help with the cleanup, but today she needed to get out of here. Go home. She couldn’t bear to talk to one more person. Knew that if she did, everyone would know her life was falling apart.
It was still light when she pulled into her garage, but she clutched the pepper spray in her fist as she walked to the back door. She didn’t relax until she’d stepped into her kitchen and locked the door behind her.
Throwing on the lights, she tossed the pepper spray canister into her bag and rolled her shoulders. Glanced at the open bottle of wine on the counter, then turned away. Drowning her sorrow in alcohol was a bad idea.
Stripping out of her jeans and boots, she threw on a pair of yoga pants and a long-sleeved Henley. Plopped onto the couch with a new book from one of her favorite authors, hoping she could lose herself in the story.
She’d just started the third chapter and was actually enjoying the book when her doorbell rang. She tried to ignore it, but it rang again. More insistently. Whoever was out there wasn’t going away.
She tossed the book on the couch and trudged to the door, looking through the peep-hole to see who it was. She sucked in a breath when she saw Nico on the other side of the door.
Her hand tightened on the doorknob. She wanted to ignore him, but she couldn’t do it. Hating her weakness, she threw open the door and spoke through the screen. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you, Jules. May I come in?”
She studied him for a long moment. He looked about as bad as she felt, as if he hadn’t slept much, either. He leaned against the railing, and she knew him well enough to realize he wasn’t going away.
“Fine,” she sighed, opening the door.
