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Chapter 25
“Gideon?”
He turned and smiled at her. “Hey, bae. You’re back sooner than I expected.”
The pain of betrayal slashed through Alex as she stared at him, so close to her tote bag. “What are you doing? Are you looking for those files?”
His smile vanished. As she watched him, her gaze flicking between his face and her tote bag behind him, Gideon frowned. The softness she’d seen in his face when he’d turned to smile at her vanished. Now his eyes were flat. Unreadable. “You think I was sneaking behind your back to look at your files? Do you really believe I’d betray your trust that way?”
The pain and hurt in his voice made her ache. “I hadn’t thought so,” she whispered. “But you were standing right there. In front of that bag.” Talking about her past with Mel, confessing she had issues with trust, had left her raw. Hypersensitive. And immediately afterward, she’d walked into the room to see Gideon in front of her bag.
“Really?” He stared at her as if he didn’t recognize her. “Was that the first thing you thought of? That I was snooping into your business? It didn’t occur to you that I was wondering why you’d left your tote on the bookshelf? That I was going to put it in the bedroom for you?” He took a step backward, and the hurt in his expression made her ache, too.
But there was guilt mixed with the hurt. He closed his eyes. Sighed. “The truth? I was tempted to look in that bag. I stood there in front of it for a long time. I didn’t touch it, but I wanted to. And here’s why. I won’t have a life if I don’t clear my name. And Jerry’s files could help me do that.
“But I didn’t touch the bag. I wouldn’t have, because what we have is more important than anything else.”
He reached for her, and she backed away. Put up her hands. “No. Don’t touch me. I need… I need some space. Some time to sort myself out.”
She couldn’t bear to look at the pain and longing in his eyes, so she stared out the window. The green of the trees was soothing. Neutral. She didn’t see Gideon’s pain in those trees.
She drew in a shuddering breath. “When I talked to Mel, I mentioned that I grew up rough. Didn’t tell her any details, but it made me realize I have big issues with trust. And that’s why I lost my shit when I saw you near the tote.”
The tension in his mouth eased a little. “I get that,” he said. “But I thought what we had was special. That we’d gotten past the ‘do I trust him’ point in our relationship. I guess we haven’t.”
She stared at Gideon. He stared back. She’d come so close to crossing a line that couldn’t be taken back. She curled her arms around herself to try and hold it together.
“I’m sorry, Gideon,” she whispered. “I jumped to conclusions. Let loose the bogeymen from my past. I do trust you. I don’t think you’d betray me. But you’re not going to believe that now.”
“I did want to see those files, Alex,” Gideon said, his voice weary. “My career is at stake. My ability to do my job. But even if they’d been in that tote, I never would have looked at them. What we have is more powerful than my need to nail Kramer.”
“I know. You told me about that.”
“I told you a lot of things, Alex. About my past. What I was working on at the FBI. Why I left.” He shoved his hand through his hair, and it stuck straight up from his head.
If he’d done that to his hair the last time she’d seen him, she’d be itching to drag her fingers through it. Now, she looked away.
Gideon took a step back from her. It was only a foot or so, but it felt like an impassable ocean separated them. “I trusted you completely, Alex. When you told me you’d taken Jerry’s files and his money, I didn’t question your motivation. I I accepted your reasons, because I believed what you told me. I thought it went both ways.”
He stared at her for a long moment, and she saw hurt in his eyes. Heartache in his expression. “I’ll move my things to the other bedroom. Let you have my room. I can’t sleep beside someone who doesn’t trust me.”
“You don’t have to move,” she said immediately. “That’s your bedroom. I’ll move my stuff.”
He stared at her for a long moment. Sighed. “Fine. Dinner is at six. We’ll walk over to the dining room together.”
He brushed past her, leaving a wide space between them. Walked into his room and shut the door. The click of the lock was a dagger through her heart.
Sinking down onto the couch, she stared at the tote bag on the shelf. Why had she jumped to the conclusion that Gideon was snooping? Why had she assumed he was betraying her?
She didn’t trust many people, and the seeds of that mistrust had been planted early. Her father had vanished from her life, never to be heard from again. Her mother had sold her to a pedophile. She’d trusted Jerry, at least at the beginning, but she’d overheard him hiring a hitman to kill her.
Right now, she trusted Sierra. And she trusted Gideon. But…
She sucked in a sharp breath as the truth slapped her in the face. She didn’t trust Gideon. If she had, she wouldn’t have immediately assumed he was betraying her.
Pressing her fingers into her face, she acknowledged the truth. She was screwed up, and had been for a very long time.
If she wanted to be more, wanted to have a real relationship with Gideon, she needed to fix this mess. Needed to make sure he knew that she trusted him. Knew that he wouldn’t betray her.
