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“I know that,” Spence said, shoving his hand through his hair as he paced in front of Zoe’s desk. “I thought of it more as a warning to Davies. If he saw police cars driving past regularly, it might make him pause. Think twice.”
“And maybe he wouldn’t have cared,” Zoe said. “Maybe he’s so deep into his delusion that grabbing me, taking me away, is all he can think about. Focus on.”
Spence stared at her for a moment. “How can you be so calm about this? I’m one person, Zoe. There’s only so much I can do.”
“Do you think Ethan might shoot me if he thinks he’ll never get a chance to grab me?” she asked.
Spence stopped pacing and stared at her. Frowned as he considered her question. Finally he shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m guessing he’s obsessed with his happy-family delusion. The two of you together. Blissful. Like it was always supposed to be. And shooting you, hurting you in any way, is antithetical to what he really wants.”
“What about the ‘if I can’t have you, no one can’ scenario?”
Spence resumed pacing. “Yeah, that’s a possibility, but I don’t think we’re at that point. It’s been how many days since you got the first charm?”
“The heart was the fourth,” she said.
“Four days isn’t a lot of time. So, no. I don’t think he’s going to be shooting at you.” He frowned. “But maybe I need to put you in a Kevlar vest. Just in case he hides and waits for us in your parking garage or the one at your office. And accidentally shoots you like your father. So I know all the bases are covered.”
“Okay,” she said slowly. “Waiting for us in a parking garage would be smart. So, yeah. I guess I need a vest.”
“Not just coming and going from the condo to the office,” Spence said. “We’ll need it at your conference, too.” Anger churned in his gut when he thought about that conference. “When you’re standing on a stage, delivering your keynote speech. When you’re giving a session. And the chances for Davies to grab you? Way too many of them.
“You’ll be exposed to hundreds of people. I know what conferences are like. When one block of sessions ends, people swarm out of the meeting rooms. Pack the halls to get to the next one. There’ll be too many ways for someone who’s focused on you to get to you.”
“I’ll call the organizers,” Zoe said, holding his gaze. “Ask them to check the list of attendees and look for Ethan’s name.”
“You can do that, but if they don’t see his name, that doesn’t mean he won’t be there.” Spence sucked in a deep breath. He needed to calm down or he’d just make Zoe angry. And that wouldn’t solve anything. “Davies is a smart guy. Do you really think he’d register with his own name? I don’t. He’d make up a name. Who’s going to doubt it? No one in your business knows Ethan Davies. And they wouldn’t know whatever fake name he came up with.”
“You’re right. He wouldn’t.” Zoe narrowed her eyes. “But I’m not backing out of the conference,” she said. “So there’s no reason to have this fight again. I’ll call the organizers. Have them check for Ethan’s name. But even if it’s not there, I’ll do everything you want me to do. If you want me to wear Kevlar, I’ll wear it.”
Spence sank onto the corner of her desk and held her gaze. “What I want is you safe. Alive. Unhurt. I know you’re not backing out of the conference. You’ve made that very clear. I wasn’t expecting you to.” He sighed and shoved one hand through his hair.
He stood up and moved closer to her. “The truth? I’m frustrated I couldn’t grab him last night when he tried to get in your back door. And angry with myself that I wasn’t prepared. I put on my boxers and grabbed my gun, but that used up precious seconds. If I’d been prepared, I would have kept going and got into another elevator. Tried to stop him in the parking garage.” He reached for her hand. “This is my job, Zoe, and I screwed up. Being prepared is who I am. And I failed in so many ways last night.”
“But nothing happened,” she said softly.
He was shaking his head before she’d even stopped speaking. “Not the point. We got lucky -- he couldn’t get into your condo. But he was right there. I had my chance to grab him and failed.”
He took her hands and gripped tightly. “You know I’ve loved our games. The lovemaking. It’s been amazing. It’s rocked my world. But we need to dial it back. It’s distracting me and dulling my focus. This isn’t what you signed up for. And it’s not who I am. I’m the guy who’s always prepared. Always ready for whatever comes my way. And the last few days? I haven’t been that guy. I really screwed up.”
“I’ve liked the guy you’ve been,” she said softly.
“I have, too. I’ve enjoyed everything we’ve done. So much. But we can’t do that anymore. I can’t let down my guard until Davies is caught and you’re safe.”
* * *
Zoe stared at Spence, a low-level, buzz of desire humming inside her. It had been there since the first time Spence had touched her. She’d never felt like this about another man. Never wanted anyone the way she wanted Spence.
If one of her friends had told her she’d have hot sex in an elevator, and that watching the guy go down on her would cause an avalanche of desire, she’d have rolled her eyes. Told them they were nuts.
But now that she and Spence were having this conversation? Now that he’d admitted he’d been out of control and not himself, she could admit, at least to herself, that this was all new for her, as well.
She didn’t let guys get close. Didn’t fall in love. Love had stripped her of everything. Ethan‘s obsessive love killed her father and sent the rest of her family into hiding, far away from all their friends and other family.
In the past four days, she’d had more of a relationship with Spence than she’d ever had with another guy. In the past, sex had been something she did with a guy she was dating. It was fun, but it never touched her emotionally. Never made her tingle.
But with Spence, she was losing herself in the sex and in being with him. Feeling all the tingles. Loving all the games they’d played. And she couldn’t do that. She knew better than this. Knew very well the dangers of losing herself in a man.
But she couldn’t stop herself from reaching for him.
