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“There’s no scheme.” I glare at him sharply and he just rolls his eyes.
“Cut the shit. Romano told me. I know there’s a scheme and it’s fine, I’m not going to rat you out to Casso. And don’t get pissed at your capo, he’s only doing what’s best for you.”
“Fucking Romano,” I grumble and sip my whiskey. “Am I surrounded by traitors?”
“Don’t be dramatic. Jeanie should’ve told you, but given everything, do you really think she’s remotely like Sonia? Do you really think she’s a fucking liar and a traitor? Sonia knew what she was doing. She came into our life with the express purpose of digging up dirt and hurting you. That’s not what Jeanie did at all.”
I sip my drink and stare out at the desert. His words ring true deep inside my heart. Jeanie didn’t find me, she didn’t pursue me—she was actively against getting involved.
Sonia was different. I approached her at first, but afterward she did everything she could to ingratiate herself into my world. She seduced me, actively wanted me, and I fell for it.
Jeanie wasn’t like that. What happened between us was organic. It was real.
Even still, I can’t stop thinking about how deeply her lie hurts.
“She’s Malcolm’s daughter, Fynn. That’s not a small omission. That’s an enormous fucking hole in her story. How am I supposed to trust her now? What if she goes running back to daddy the second he decides to acknowledge her? I can’t risk it. I just can’t. I didn’t kill her, but she had to go.”
Fynn takes a slow breath and sighs. “You’re such a fuck-up, Gavino.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“I mean it. You got a taste of something good and this is what you do.”
“Bastard. You don’t know what it’s like. Mirella found you and, yeah, you two hated each other and had your problems at first, but look at your life now. Things are good. Things are happy. I thought Sonia was my forever, but she was a lie and now I’ve got nothing.”
“Stop wallowing,” Fynn says, slamming a palm on the table. “Damn it, Gavino. This is what we do for the people we love.” He’s glaring daggers at me, jaw working. “We hurt and go through shit and cry and fight and scream. We struggle but we stick around, because that’s how it is. Nobody’s perfect and everyone messes up. You think things aren’t going wrong in that big house up there all the time? We’ve all got our issues, but we love each other and we never walk away, because family doesn’t turn its back on family.”
I hold my drink in both hands and slowly drain it. I sit down hard in a chair and lean back, feeling the heat wrap its ugly hands around my sweating skin. I shake my head, trying to work the alcohol-fogged cobwebs from my brain, but I can’t.
I want her back. I want to walk out of here, find her, and drag her into my room.
I want to grovel at her feet.
But I can’t.
“Sorry I’m such a fuck-up, Fynn.” I don’t look at him. To hell with my brother. I keep my eyes closed. “I’ll close the deal with Malcolm. I’ll play by Casso’s rules. But I’m done. You hear me? I’m done. This is what I am now. I’m finished.”
Fynn’s chair legs scrape against the concrete. “If you keep living out here alone, you really will be done.” He stands and walks around the table. I don’t look. I hear him pass me, open the back door, and disappear inside.
I let him go. Fuck him. Fuck them all.
I fill up my glass.
I have another drink.
* * *
“Get up.”
I blink at the light. What time is it? My head’s pounding. My mouth tastes like sand mixed with vomit. My head’s a cotton-candy mess. Slowly, I remember that I’m lying on the couch in my living room. I must’ve fallen asleep. Someone’s standing over me.
“What?” I grumble, waving them away like I’m swatting at a fly. “Get outta here. Go away.”
“Get up, Gavino, it’s time for dinner.”
“The fuck?” I squint, trying to focus, and slowly Karah’s face comes into view.
My sister frowns at me in disgust. I look at myself—I’m in only a pair of shorts and I stink. I must’ve stumbled inside after finishing the bottle and fallen asleep a few hours ago. A hangover’s already thumping at my skull and I feel like I’ve been wrung out and run through a clothes dryer. I manage to sit up and take the glass of water Karah thrusts into my hands.
