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Her heart seized. “I’d do it a hundred times over.”
He patted her shoulder, his touch so faint she barely felt it. “But now you won’t have to.” He sighed. “I wish life had been kinder, that I could have been more than a burden these last few years. I’ll miss your smiles, your laughter, your hugs. I wish I could have walked you down the aisle and held my grandchildren. I wish…”
His whisper ran out of steam.
Fear clutched at her. Heavenly tried to hold it together. She couldn’t imagine her future without him, couldn’t fathom not sharing the joys and sorrows of her tomorrows with the one person who had always been by her side. She might have taken care of him physically, but for nearly a decade, he’d been her rock.
“I don’t know how I’ll make it without you.” Heavenly held tighter, trying to keep herself together. “Please fight harder.”
“You’ll be fine.”
Where would she find the strength to go on? He’d been her purpose, her reason for putting one foot in front of the other for so long. She had to dig deep now, find the will to say goodbye and let him go in peace. Then? She had no clue.
“I will,” she lied. “You may think I take care of you, but you’ve given me all the love a girl could ever need.”
“Oh, boo…”
Tears slid in hot drops down her cheeks, but she kept on, as if talking would somehow stop him from passing before she was ready. “It’s true. I’m lucky you’re my father.”
“You’ve been the best daughter. I wish we were back home…”
He didn’t mean the ratty apartment here in Los Angeles Beck and Seth had helped them vacate twenty-four hours ago. He meant Wisconsin, on their dairy farm in Bayfield, during happier times, before illness had ravaged him and her mother had left.
“I wish that, too, Dad.” Flashes of those golden years called to her. “Remember the Christmas tree that kept falling over?”
Her father’s chuckle sounded too much like a gasp. “I blame the cat.”
Heavenly smiled through her tears. “You said that, but it was crooked when you sawed the trunk.”
“Bah.” But the faint smile hovering told her he knew she was right.
“Remember the spring it rained so hard during branding? I chased Betty, Elinor, and Abner back to their pen.”
“You mean the calves?” he teased.
“Whatever,” she poked back.
This was banter they’d exchanged for years. She’d always named the cattle, and he’d always pointed out that they didn’t need a moniker other than revenue.
“I’ll never forget slipping into that giant puddle and my boots getting stuck. You had to come in after me and we both ended up in head-to-toe mud.” They hadn’t stopped laughing about it since.
His smile wobbled but widened. “Take my ashes there once I’m gone. Please.”
Heavenly wanted to lose herself in the best parts of their past, but reality crashed in again. The sobs she’d been trying so desperately to hold back wouldn’t be denied anymore. “I will.”
“Don’t cry, baby. Soon, I won’t feel pain. And I’ll always be with you in spirit. In heart.”
“Daddy…” She hated how much her voice begged him to stay when she knew she should want his agony to end.
“Boo,” he murmured softly. “Live your best life.”
She sobbed, impatiently wiping away her tears so she could see him one last time. “I promise.”
“I love you.” His voice was the faintest whisper now.
“I love you, too, Daddy.”
He smiled and closed his eyes. His hand went slack. His chest stopped moving.
Heavenly pressed a hand to her mouth in denial and blinked, hoping. But he was gone.
