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“And River should have his tag-team partner back soon,” Seth quipped.
“So they can pick up random women in bars for the night.” She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know whether to be grateful or insulted that River refused to take my virginity.”
“Be grateful,” Beck groused.
“Absolutely,” Seth cut in. “Or I’d have to kill him.”
Beck nodded. “I’d have to help you.”
“And that might make strife between you and your bestie.” Seth raised a brow at her.
Heavenly rolled her eyes. “You think?”
The moment felt almost normal. The smiles, the quips, the gentle teasing… She’d grown used to conversations like this with her men.
Was it possible she’d overreacted at the lodge? Seth was keeping secrets, no two ways about that. But maybe he’d just been too overcome to talk about it in the moment. He’d explain everything in time, right?
As if Seth could read her mind, he cleared his throat and took her hand, regret all over his face. “I owe you two an apology. I was out of line this morning. I don’t really talk about Autumn and Tristan with anyone. It’s still painful. When you asked me for details, I wasn’t braced, and I lashed out. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”
Heavenly softened. “Of course it’s painful. I’m sure the grief has been difficult to overcome.”
He swallowed. “I was a widower at twenty-four. It was inconceivable. And losing a child, too? There isn’t even a word in the English language for someone whose child has died. You said earlier that it must have been devastating. It was beyond that. Honestly, my family was really worried about me. My mom had been raising us boys alone for years, and by then I was grown and married, so she thought she only had my younger brothers to worry about. But after Autumn and Tristan were gone…I wasn’t okay for a long time. I know she worried and prayed and tried a hundred ways to make me want to live again—with good reason. I went off the deep end for a while and did things I’m not proud of.” He paused. “It took me over a year to find any peace. It was several more before I could even talk about them without anger threatening to swallow me whole. For a long time, everyone I allowed in my life knew what had happened, and they all knew I didn’t want to talk about it. I’ve known for a while I would have to explain this to you. I just didn’t know what to say or how to say it. The details are still just…”
In every corner of her soul, she ached for him. “Too difficult? Oh, Seth…”
When she threw her arms around him, he dragged her against his body and held tight, as if he could take her strength through their embrace. She soothed a palm across his back and whispered words of reassurance, wishing she could erase his suffering.
Finally, he broke away, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, then her lips before he cast a glance up to Beck in the rearview mirror. “Thanks for understanding. It means the world to me. I’m sorry I made today about me when you just went through a whole ration of shit with the people you used to call family. You okay, man?”
“Much better now that I know the past can’t come back to haunt me anymore,” Beck assured.
Seth shifted in his seat, his nod noncommittal. “What are the odds the rest of The Chosen come looking for revenge?”
“Against me?” Beck shrugged. “We won’t know until after the raid on Messiah City tonight. Right now all those freaks and pedophiles are living their disgusting lives, twisting the word of God into their justification for violating little girls. After the feds shut them down, we’ll see what happens. But as far as they know, Gideon is dead. I plan to keep it that way.”
“Sure, but if they got wind you had anything to do with killing their Messiah and shutting them down…”
“There would be hell to pay, and I’m worried they wouldn’t just take their anger out on me.” Beck glanced her way in the rearview mirror again.
Heavenly shuddered. She couldn’t imagine what girls in that horrible town suffered or why their parents condoned and encouraged such depravity. She was grateful Beck had found his way out. Hopefully, he’d never have to deal with any of The Chosen again, and anyone violent enough to seek vengeance would be behind bars.
Except Zacharias. He had decided to do the brave thing and declare himself Messiah in the wake of Jedediah’s death—then let the FBI in to round up the elders and shut down their sect. Heavenly could only imagine how difficult that choice had been. She hoped the man found peace someday.
“I’m always careful,” she reassured him. “And you two make sure I’m rarely out alone.”
“We don’t want anything to happen to you.” Beck’s voice sounded soft but determined over the faint hum of the engine.
Seth gripped her hand. “Ever. I can’t lose you, angel.”
After everything he’d been through? Heavenly could only imagine how more loss would crush him. “You won’t.”
They fell silent. Maybe it was her imagination, but the air between them seemed to turn heavy and tense. A change of subject might do them all good…
“Are you planning to return to the hospital on Monday?” she asked Beck.
He nodded. “But I’ll probably do some quick rounds tonight. I have a few patients I should check on.”
“I might go with you, see if I can catch Bridget and Jennifer,” she said of her nursing director and her supervisor. “I should thank them for their flexibility. We left yesterday with so little warning, and in spite of the time I took off to deal with my dad’s passing, they’ve been really understanding.”
