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“No, he won’t. He’ll think it’s an excuse.”
Iesha nodded. “Let me talk to him first. But I need you to give me a reason so I can try to make him understand. Arealreason.”
Bakari’s head fell toward his chest. “Honestly…I just haven’t been feeling it lately. I haven’t been feeling anything. I feel like…it’s like there’s a weight on my chest. It’s hard to sleep. It’s hard to eat. It’s hard to breathe sometimes, Mama.”
He closed his eyes and struggled to keep the tears from leaking. His embarrassment was palpable, and Iesha looked at him with wide eyes. “Bakari.” She paused and took a deep breath. “I’m worried.”
He put an arm over his eyes. “I’m okay. I just got a lot going on.”
“Okay. It’s okay. I’ll talk to him.”
Bakari nodded, relief washing over him, and was thankful for his mother. Grateful. He didn’t say it much, or at all, really, outside of Mother’s Day, but more than anyone else, she was on his side. He knew there was a limit to her devotion to his father, but he never doubted her devotion or her loyalty to him. He was her baby boy.
On rare occasions, he thought he didn’t deserve her. And on frequent occasions, heknewhis father didn’t.
“Ithinkyou’redoingthe right thing, L. Fuck this group. If Bria needs help, she should have it,” he said, as he lightly traced his fingers up and down her bare back. Ladonna rested her head on his chest and smiled. No matter the situation, he always knew exactly what to say.
“I still feel bad, though. We all agreed to keep our mouths shut.”
“Yeah, but sometimes you gotta do what’s best for your own. We’re a group, and we’re tight and all, but we’re not family.”
Ladonna lifted her head to stare into his eyes. “I needed to hear that. Thank you.” She’d just told him about the unfortunate incident with Bria’s hand, and the fact that she was afraid her daughter was going crazy. He lifted his head up to kiss her, pressing his lips softly against hers. “You’re welcome, baby.”
“How’s yours doing with everything?”
Joe sighed. “I don’t know. You know Bakari. He’s a rock.”
“You say that, but it’s very possible that he’s going through it and not telling you. Boys aren’t supposed to show emotion. Especially black boys. Especially big, strong ones.”
“I guess it’s possible. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he changes the subject.”
“You might wanna try again, babe. Just to make sure.”
He ran a hand softly down her back. “I will. Just because you asked me to.”
Ladonna caressed Joe’s face. “You’re such a good daddy.”
“Daddy, huh? That sounds good coming from you.”
Ladonna giggled like a teenager. “Maybe I’ll say it again later.”
He pulled her closer, into a long, deep kiss. She let herself get lost in it. They had been fooling around for a few months now, and the affair showed no signs of abating. Neither did the passion between them.
That scared her.
She found herself looking forward to his emails as though they were the highlight of her week. She felt empty when they parted ways after a tryst. Almost heartbroken. It was terrifying, because the last time she’d felt that way was when she fell in love with Marcus.
But as good as Joe made her feel, she couldn’t afford to take the pin out of the grenade and blow up her entire life. This thing, whatever it was, wasn’t going to have a fairytale ending, and they both knew it. For now, though, she was going to enjoy it. All of it. The attention, the support, the respect, and the sex, which was better than it had ever been with anyone else. Including her husband.
“How does he feel about the therapy?” Joe asked. He never said Marcus’ name, and she never said Iesha’s. It was an unspoken rule. Probably one all cheaters obeyed.
“He doesn’t wanna break the pact.”
Joe didn’t respond. She threw her leg over his and settled into the cozy spot between his neck and shoulder, nuzzling him with her face.
“What time do you need to be home?” he asked.
“Eight or so.”
