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I shrug again. “It had nothing to do with me. We don’t talk about the past.” As if.
“Well, he does like to keep secrets. He didn’t tell me about you either, until recently.”
“Yes, you said that. It’s not the same thing, Bronwyn.”
“No, I know that.”
There’s a pause, then I ask, “Do you mind? About me and Jack?”
“God no.” She takes a drag of her cigarette, lets out a plume of smoke. “He’s all yours, sweetie.”
I let out a sigh of relief. And then, out of the blue, I ask, “When are you going back to Italy, truly?”
“I’m not.”
“What do you mean?”
“Leon and I have separated.”
My stomach does a little twist. “I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t know. Are you okay?”
She looks at me. “Not really, but I will be. I’m just sad, Laura, that’s all.”
“Can I ask what happened?”
She takes a breath. “Distance, mostly. Italy is a long way. I missed my little girl.”
“Oh! Really?”
“Yes! Why so surprised? Oh wait, I have the maternal instincts of a brick.”
“God, I’m sorry.” I drag my hands down my face. “I was in a bad mood that day.” She doesn’t say anything. Just looks away. “The truth is, Bronwyn, I was under the impression…”
“That I didn’t care? That I didn’t want her?”
“No, no,” I rush to say, thinking,yes, yes, exactly that.
“I missed her every day, Laura. But Leon…he was very possessive. He didn’t like me talking on the phone to her. He certainly didn’t like me coming over for a visit, unless it was with him. There’s no way he would have let me stay here, in this house. I thought of bringing her over to live with me, but you know, a foreign country, the language…”
I am floored by what I’m hearing. “I am so sorry. I had no idea.” There’s a question burning on my tongue, I wait a beat for good measure before asking it. “So where will you go?”
“I’m moving back to Seattle.”
“Really?”
“Well yes, that’s the whole point.”
“Right, of course, makes sense.” And I’m thinking, are you going to live here until you find a place? How long will that take? But I don’t ask. I don’t think I want to know.
We finish our cigarettes, Bronwyn says she’s going back to bed.
“Yes, me too.” I crouch down, pick up the butts, hold them in the palm of my hand. “Can I ask you…”
I stand up again. “Can you not say anything to Jack? About Beth?”
She tilts her head at me. “He doesn’t know?”
“I haven’t told him,” I say. “I mean, it hasn’t come up.”
