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Their voices are drowned by the blood roaring in my ears. I press my fingers against my throbbing temples.
“Tell us what happened, Mrs. Sanchez.”
I close my eyes. I can see her face, her eyes wide in shock.
“Why did you lie about being there, Mrs. Sanchez?”
“Did you push her down the stairs, Mrs. Sanchez?” “
“No!” I’m on my feet now, shaking and confused. I stare at Jones, then Dalloway. “I’d like to leave now,” I say. I bend down to retrieve my bag at my feet. I fully expect them to stop me, to tell me that I’m under arrest after all, and all I can think about are my kids and I imagine their faces when they find out and my heart snaps in two.
Jones says the interview is terminated at four thirty-two and closes his folder.
“Dalloway will accompany you outside. We’ll be in touch. Don’t go too far, and if you need to leave the state, we’d appreciate you letting us know.”
I called Luis. I didn’t think I could get back home by myself. I am numb and confused, the way you might feel when you wake up after fainting and you’re not sure what happened or where you are or why you’re here. “Will you come and get me?” I asked. Pleaded, really.
“Anna?”
I was looking at my hands and I didn’t see him approach. I look up and there he is, looking broken, and I don’t know if it’s for me or her anymore, and when he says, “What did you do, Anna?” I think he’s going to cry.
He helps me to the car, one hand on my elbow.
“I asked my dad to take the kids tonight.”
I nod. “That’s good.” I wipe my tears with my sleeve. “It’s better for them to be there. They love being with him. I’m glad he could take them. It’s nice of him.”
“Yeah.” We don’t talk after that. When we get home I go upstairs and lie down on the bed. I can’t even describe to Luis how frightened I am right now. He comes upstairs and hands me an Ambien and a glass of water. I take it wordlessly and fall into the abyss.
It is dark and silent when I wake, and I already miss my kids more than I can say. Luis is lying next to me, watching me. I turn to face him.
“Luis?”
“Yes, babe.”
“I’m really scared.”
He takes my hand. “I know.”
We go downstairs and he makes ham and cheese sandwiches for us but I can’t eat anything.
“I didn’t do it,” I tell him. “She was fine when I left.” But I also tell him we have to make plans, because it’s not looking good for me.
“I’m so confused,” I say, my mouth trembling. “I’m so scared, Luis. They’re going to put me in jail.”
“No, they won’t, we’ll get the best lawyers—we can afford it, right? We can use your prize money. We’ll get the very best.”
I don’t tell him the prize money is a mirage right now. “Yes,” I say. “You’re right. We’ll be fine. But if we’re not—”
“You have to think positive, Anna.”
“Luis, please. Listen to me. I want us to talk about the children, if something happens to me.”
He sits down at the table next to me, runs a hand through his hair.
“Will you promise me that you will look after them, that you will keep them safe? Matti spends too much time on his Xbox and we need to do something about that. And try to keep Carla off social media for as long as possible? They love you so much, Luis. You’re a wonderful, incredible father. But you’ll have to be strong.”
He’s crying. “I can’t do it without you, Anna.”
